16th June 2011 Giggles - British Education??

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination in Britain. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds) ... and they WILL breed!

Q. Name the four seasons.

A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. 

A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed?

A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?

A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?

A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?

A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q. What are steroids?

 
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.  (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age?

A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A. Premature death.
Q. What is artificial insemination?

A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?

A. Keep it in the cow. (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.G. The abdomen)?

A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I. O. U.

Q. What is the fibula? 

A. A small lie.
Q. What does 'varicose' mean? 

A. Nearby.
Q. What is the most common form of birth control?  

A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'.

A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q. What is a seizure?

A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness?

A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?

A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.

A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?

A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. (brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?

A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.

 

Now you know why the country is in a mess.

 

Tags: britisheducation

Prev: 16th June 2011 Brain Food

16th June 2011 Brain Food

I found some (supposedly) aphrodisiac food yesterday, thought it's even more important (okay, equally important) to nourish our brain as well. After all, as I said to somebody, replying to a comment, that the so called sexual drive, or the lack of it, is determined by our brain working towards that direction, or not. 

 

Here are a few what the British calls 'brain food':

 

Salmon - It's indispensable and vital, to combat anxiety and depression, for the Omega -3 that it contains. Coincidentally, I had quite a bit of the most wonderful and delicious salmon yesterday for lunch with a couple of friends. Eaten raw, in fine slices, with a drop or 2 of lemon juice for some but I prefer to have it with a touch of soy sauce mixing in a little of Wasabi (green Japanese mustard).

 

~ It didn't help my memory though; I forgot to look for the red moon phenomenon last night.

 

Curry - A condiment elaborated with turmeric, a spice that protects the brain from oxidation, typical in more advanced age.

 

~ I adore curried dishes, even highly spiced. In theory my brain should be pretty good. Time will tell - not otherwise I hope!

 

Blueberry, huckleberry - These increase the flow of oxygen and maintain the brain fresh and sharp.

 

~ Not easily found in Spain, no idea why. So, what I gain with curry I lose here. Legitimate excuse to take double portions of curry.

 

Of course there are many other healthy foods. Here I am only talking about the ones for the well being of the brain.

 

Tags: brainfood

Prev: 16th June 2011 The Red Moon And The Silly Me

16th June 2011 The Red Moon And The Silly Me

I don't know whether others do occasionally crazy things like I do, and often: scolding myself, calling myself every name I dare to pronounce over and over, for having done something I shouldn't have, or not having done something I should have. It was the latter I have been doing a good part of the day today, for something very interesting I should have done last night.

 

Yesterday I told everybody I came across, including one I didn't, but I did by phone, that there was going to be a red moon at night, caused by the at first gradual then total eclipse, starting at Spanish time 21.17 and lasted till 23. 02 when the moon would by degrees turned all red. You know what? I then forgot all about it and missed the whole spectacle!!!!

 

As I live only yards away from the beach, I was going to go out there, where I should have a fabulous view of the rare phenomenon, sitting at the terrace of beach bar, sipping a dry martini or Champagne. What I actually did was brooding on something most unpleasant and then, to try not to bother with something I didn't know how to handle, read an old magazine instead as the TV was rather boring. I only remember the red moon this morning when I saw the red sun!!

 

There's nothing more annoying than to miss out opportunities you know would probably never come again during one's life time. And there's no remedy for it. Not even with the name calling.

 

Tags: sillyme, redmoon

Prev: 15th Aphrodisiacs For The Asking