The Drunk's Story

** Only a Person in Tennessee could Think of This! **

From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this absolutely true story.

 

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Paris, Tennessee. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his truck and trailer and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally, he got into the car and started the engine, switched the wipers on and off - it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyser test. To his amazement, the breathalyser indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded.

The officer said, 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyser equipment must be broken.'

'I seriously doubt it', said the truly proud Hill-billy. 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'

Tag:TheDrunk

Current Mood: Amused

The Truck & The Cow

Farmer Perley Moore had recently bought a truck and found that the "basic price" was only the beginning. Once the salesman had added on all the extras - towing, package, toolbox, fifth-wheel attachment, etc. -- the price was quite a bit higher. Well, by a strange turn of fate, that same salesman stopped by Perley's farm one day wanting to buy a cow. The dealer examined the herd, picked out a likely specimen, and asked about the price. "That's a hundred-dollar cow," Moore replied directly. "That's fair enough," said the salesman. "I'll take her." "Well, now, that's the basic price," Moore added, getting out pencil and paper. "There are one or two extras, of course." He made a few notes and handed the paper to the dealer. Here is the final invoice: Basic cow: $100 Two-tone exterior: $45 Beverage storage compartment: $60 Beverage dispensing device with four spigots: $50 Genuine cowhide upholstery: $75 Dual horns @ $7.50 each: $15 Automatic fly-swatter: $35 Self-timing fertilizer dispenser: $55 Total: $435 Tags:basicprice

Current Mood: Amused

Eye Of A Needle Art - Incredible Art Video - 2

Prepare to be amazed as Micro-Sculptor Willard Wigan shares his miniature artwork on the Conan O’Brien Show and describes the process of creating this art. The patience and dedication this man has to work on something so small is simply incredible. He literally has to work in between heartbeats while holding his breath. I can’t even imagine trying to paint something this small let alone using the hair from a fly as the paint brush.

 

Current Mood: Accomplished

Eye Of The Needle Art - Unbelievable Art Video - 1

Creating miniature artwork in the eye of the needle sounds impossible until you see the micro sculptures that Willard Wigan MBE has created. Of course you’ll have to use a microscope to see these tiny works of art that are simply incredible. Willard started making tiny houses for ants when he was 5 years old because he thought they needed a place to live.
 
His mother inspired him by telling him “The smaller you makes it the Bigger you will become”. His artwork is worth millions and is prized by collectors the world over. Not bad for a guy that can barley read and write and was told by a teacher that he wouldn’t amount to anything.

• Current Mood: Accomplished

Where To Eat, To Sleep, To Bathe?

The community of Sant Egidio just made an alarming diagnosis in the presentation of a new guide, in which it summarized all the resources in the city destined to the homeless people (www.santegidio.org) to which anybody who wishes to can lend a helping hand, by informing the precise locations to those who need them, or for the organization to reach where someone needs help. This guide informs that in Barcelona a maximum of 1,274 meals are served daily to the homeless and indigenous, and there are 740 beds where they can wash and sleep in this city. Destitution has greatly increased (doubled in the last 6 months). There are young people too, and the not so young, who had till recently earned a living working, not always been vagabonds. They are in the streets as consequence of the present day crisis. Many are foreigners. Adding to them one has to count the ones that fall into the category of 'invisible poverty' - people who have a home but living in minimum conditions due to the scarcity or meagre pension, or depending solely on social subsidise. The majority of these are old people, whose necessity increases in direct proportion to their increasing age and dependency. In Roses, there are at least 2 days a year that I am aware of, which are dedicated to the aged and the mentally handicapped. They are served a wonderful meal in nice hotels or other designated restaurants, with volunteers serving, and entertainment like a band playing music and even for dancing after lunch. This would not solve their day to day problems, but at least, for just one day, they know they have not been totally forgotten and for this one day, they can meet up with many others in the same circumstances, to laugh and chat a little, and to forget about obligations and chores briefly. Very often, to feed the heart is even more important than feeding the stomach. Tags:homeless,heart,stomach

Current Mood: Accomplished