Warning Labels On Appliances ~
** On Odour Eaters: Please do not eat.
** On a blender: On no account improvise as a fish aquarium.
** On stockings: Not to be used in the commission of a felony.
** On gloves: For best results, do not leave at the crime scene.
** On a fridge: Refrigerate after opening.
**
On alphabet blocks: Not for children. Letters may be used to construct
words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.
** On a cardboard windshield sun-shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place".
** On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.
** On a calendar: Use of term "Sunday" for reference only. No meteorological warranties express or implied.
** On a microscope: Objects in view are bigger and more frightening than they appear.
Fancy A Double? ~
Neil
was in a pub, extremely drunk. The barman, Simon, noticed this, and
when Neil asked for another whisky, the barman politely told him that
he was too drunk to be served another drink.
Neil
leaves. He walks out of the pub and in again at the side door and asks
Simon for a double whisky. A little frustrated, Simon repeats the
answer he had said earlier.
Again
Neil leaves and enters through a further side door, walks up to the
barman and asks for a Scotch. Simon is now quite annoyed, and tells
Neil he is too drunk and to get a ride home and leave the pub.
Once
more, Neil leaves. Again he comes in, this time through the back door.
Neil walks up to the barman and before he can say a word, Simon
explodes and shouts at him, "I told you already, you are way too drunk,
you can not have another whisky. Get out of my bar!"
Disgruntled, Neil glares at Simon and asks, "Man, how many bars do you work at?"
