10th Aug 2012 Julie Andrews Turns 70 ...

To commemorate her birthday, actress/vocalist Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan bsp' Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP. 

One of the musical number she performed was 'My Favourite Things' from the legendary movie 'Sound of Music'. Here are the lyrics she used:

(Sing it!) - If you sing it, it's especially hysterical!!!

Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favourite things.
Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favourite things.
When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favourite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favourite things...
Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favourite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.

(Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowed that lasted over 4 minute and repeated encores. Please share Ms. Andrews's clever wit and humour with others who would appreciate it.

Tags: favouritethings, julieandrews

Prev: 10th Aug 2012 Still On Health & Safety

10th Aug 2012 Still On Health & Safety

Health & Safety in the cinema ~
Christopher was sprawled across three entire seats in a theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, 'Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat.' 

Christopher groaned but didn't budge one inch. The usher became impatient. 'Sir,' the usher announced, 'If you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager.' 

Again, Christopher just groaned which, in turn, infuriated the usher who spun on his heel and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly. 

All right, mate. What's your name?'
'Chris,' the man moaned, in considerable agony.
'And where were you from, Chris?' the cop barked.   'The balcony.'
???

Tags: health&safety

Prev: 10th Aug 2012 Amusing Health & Safety Tales

10th Aug 2012 Amusing Health & Safety Tales

** Safety at the Workplace **

1) A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in Boston, Massachusetts, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.

2) Safety is a major concern at the manufacturing company. The supervisor asked one day after constantly preaching caution to the workers:

'Does anyone know, what the speed limit is in our parking lot?'

The long silence that followed was interrupted when one of them piped up. 'That depends. Do you mean coming to work or leaving?'
 

3) Safety Managers: persons who write a 10,000 word document and call it a brief - Franz Kafka
 

4) What do you get if you put 100 Safety Managers in your basement? - A whine cellar
 

5) Two workmen were digging foundations when one of them started shouting and jumping about . The other one thought his partner had hit an underground power cable and was being electrocuted so, following good health and safety practice, used a shovel to separate him from the electricity.

Luckily for the first worker he wasn't getting an electric shock but was panicking after a wasp had flown up his trousers. By luck he didn't get stung but the second worker hit him so hard with the shovel that his shoulder was dislocated.
 

6) A police 'safety officer' was visiting a primary school in a particularly rough area of Manchester, England.

'Why shouldn't you touch the oven door or the kettle?' he asked the assembled class.

A young girl's hand shot into the air. 'Because you might leave fingerprints,' she answered.
 

7) A crowd gathered around at a woodworking trade show held at Fort Purbrook, Portsmouth and were watching a sales demonstration.

The demonstrator had an ordinary saw next to another which had a saw stopping safety device. He showed how each might work when it hit an operator's finger.

For simulation purposes he used a sausage as a substitute. Intrigued, a curious spectator stepped up for a closer look and was struck in the eye by a flying piece of debris.

Health Tip ~
From page 21 of the Health & Safety Handbook for Employees:
'Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes'.

Safety Sign ~

Tags: safetytales

Prev: 10th Aug 2012 Irish Blessings, Funny & Logical ...

10th Aug 2012 Irish Blessing, Funny & Logical ...

** Road Blessings **

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sun shine down upon your face.

And the rain fall soft upon your fields.

Until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.

 

** Drinking Toast **

• May your glass be ever full.
• May the roof over your head be always strong.
• And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.
• A bird with one wing can't fly. ( said to encourage someone to take a second drink)
•  

** Alternative Toast **

• Here's to our wives and girlfriends; May they never meet!
• May the dust of your carriage wheels blind the eyes of your foes.
• May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.
• May your fire never go out.
• May your well never run dry.
• May we be alive at this time next year.
• May the roof above you never fall in and those gathered beneath it never fall out.
• May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty. 
•  

** Irish Explanation **

Siobhan followed her husband to the public house, "How can you come here," she said, taking a sip of his pint of Guinness, "and drink this awful stuff?"

"Now!" he cried, "And you always thought I was out enjoying myself."

Prev: 9th Aug 2012 Man's Favourite Sport & China Town