Senior's Medicine Cabinet

My MEDICINE CABINET ~ It has taken me many, many months of my retirement time, but I've just finished building my new Medicine Cabinet.

Disease	Wine	Daily dose
Allergies	Chardonnay de Paeuf	1 glass
Anemia	Graves	4 glass
Bronchitis	Bourgogne or Bordeaux > ( + sugar and cinnamon )	3 cups
Constipation	Anjou blanc electricity . Vouvray	4 glass
Coronary arteries	Dry Champagne	4 glass
Diarrhea	Beaujolais Nouveau	4 glass
Fever	Champagne sec	1 bottle
Heart	Burgundy , Santenay Rouge	Two glass
Uric acid gout	Sancerre , Pouilly Fume	4 glass
Hypertension	Alsace , Sancerre	4 glass
Menopause	Saint Emilion	4 glass
Depression	Rhine	4 glass
Obesity	Burgundy	4 glass
Obesity	Rose Provence	1 bottle
Rheumatism	Champagne	4 glass
Excessive weight loss	Chateau de Beaune	4 glass

From the American Association

Of Retired People

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them?	A: Try a book store under fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?	A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done you'll have a place to live.
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?	A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?	A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?	A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?	A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?	A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?	A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?	A: "Gosh, I remember these!"
SMILE, You still have your sense of humour!

Tag:MedicineCabinet

• Current Mood: Amused

A Lift In The Rain

One night, at 11.30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of the Alabama Highway trying to endure a lashing storm. Her car had broken down, and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance, and put her into a taxi cab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console colour TV was delivered to his home. A note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away ...God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.   Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole Tags:NatKingCole,Rain

• Current Mood: Accomplished

Unemployed? Watch TV Or Be In It ...

The number of the unemployed are steadily on the increase. At least that's the case in Spain. This is bad news, worse for some than for others, particularly the unemployed. But television is doing better, with almost equal increase in the number of viewing audience. No worry about any revolution, or civil wars, because there's TV. Instead of burning churches, factories or cars, the jobless stay at home watching 'Who's talking now' or 'Big Brothers' for the good part of the day then go to bed. To have a revolution it's best to have nothing, not even trash programmes in the tele with which to dope their desperation. If everything goes bad there's always TV. It offers hours of remedy to numb or sooth the pain of frustration and uncertainty for the future. You get comfortable on the couch, just stare at the screen, and let slip away the long hours. The television stations find longer queues these days by their doors, with people who try to be more possible, hoping for their chances to be picked for bit parts in reality shows, paid audience, extras, general dog's body. The only thing you need to do is to sell the last thing you have left, your image, as much or to the extent your dignity permits. Deep in economic crisis one's dignity becomes a volatile substance that evaporates in direct proportion to one's material needs, of which one has learned and accustomed to depend on. TV knows this very well as it is one of the teachers showing us the thousand and one marvellous products we must have to live a good life. But they have omitted to show people what they can do to have the means necessary to afford that wonderful life promised.

Tags:Unemployment,TV

• Current Mood: contemplative

The Male Stripper Of Beirut - Doing It My Way

I saw a picture of a real handsome guy in the press. Drop dead gorgeous! Not the pretty boy type, more of a modern Adonis, with captivating features, classic good looks combined with arrogant and mysterious air; not haughty, but assured and confident. And, an absolutely faultless and enviable body!!

He is Jimmy (real name Jamil Daher)), a stripper in Beirut. He doesn't like to be labelled a stripper, but would accept being called a striptease artist. He is the only known male professional to be in that business, very unusual in the Middle East countries.

He says he would have nothing to do with what he reckons cheap, common and run of the mill striptease performances in dance parlours, night clubs or party salons, but only appears in discreet, private and exclusive celebrations, birthday's, anniversary's and bachelor's parties.

He was a rebellious son and intractable student in a religious school. At the early age of 12 he had stolen his father's car simply because he was told not ever to touch it, and he didn't want to be told what to, or what not to do. He made his life & did everything else his own way, in a closed family and a hypocritical society.

Being a very good dancer, and in a fine day in London, he was persuaded by friends to improvise a striptease dance. Things just rolled off from there to soon becoming a professional. He is often the one to choose the place and setting for his performance, where he would appear dressed as motor-biker, cowboy, policeman, pilot or BatMan ... to satisfy his clients' fantasies, but shuns easy money or the Gay circle, always with a firm 'No' to strip completely naked, as he considers himself an artist.

I have never seen a life striptease show by a male stripper. Sorry, I meant strip artists! My birthday is in March. Anybody else with March birthday? We might organize a wild and fun celebration trip to Beirut perhaps?

Yes, yes, my birthday is in March. Not to Beirut, Jamil Daher; come on over to my Penthouse in Spain!

Tags:strip-artist

• Current Mood: Artistic

Sunday Chuckle

• Newly divorced woman explaining reason for splitting: We had religious differences - he thought he was God, I didn't.
• Expensive fertilizers that do nothing for your grass will give you the most gorgeous weeds you ever saw.
• People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
• A teenage boy to his father: Here's my report card and a list I've compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished their High School.
• The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
  She called on him and said, "Pappu! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
  Little Johnny quickly replied, "Cartoon Network, Ten Sports, Discovery Channel and Pogo!"
• A cute Nurse came for the interview.
  "What salary do you expect?"
• "Rs. 10,000."
  Dr. was overjoyed & said: "my pleasure."
  Nurse: "With pleasure it’s 25,000"
• Scientific Experiment:

  How can you drop an egg four feet without breaking it?
  
  (Drop it from five feet. It won't break during the first four feet - bet you didn't get this one. Don't feel bad, I didn't either.)

 

Tags:Chuckle

• Current Mood: Amused