27th June 2012 How Can You Tell When Someone Is An Idiot?

Clear signs that He is an idiot ~

** Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.

** Tries to drown a fish in water.

** Trips over a cordless phone.

** Thinks socialism means partying.

** Studies for a blood test and fails.

** Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.

** Sells the car for gas money.

** Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.

** Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home.

If you are still not sure, here are some more examples: ~

** Postman: I have had to walk 5 miles to deliver this packet.

He: Why did walk so far? You could have posted it.

** He visits an art gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that is a mirror.

** He goes into the kitchen and opens the cookie jar. He looks inside and closes it. His wife observes the whole episode and says nothing. Again He enters the kitchen and does the same thing.

His wife asks: ' Why are you doing that?'

He replies, 'The Doctor told me to check my sugar level regularly.'

** There were eleven people hanging onto a rope which was hanging from a from an aeroplane. Ten were Sardar, and one was a girl. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't, then the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally the girl said, 'I'll get off,' and she made a really moving speech.

All of the men started immediately applauding ... Ahh!

** He went into The Bank of India and asked to open a current account. The cashier was surprised when He left the building saying he would return after he had been to Delhi.

When asked why he was visiting Delhi, he retorted that the application form said: 'Got be filled in CAPITAL.'

** He was filling up application form for a job, but was not sure as to what to put in the column "Salary Expected".

After much thought he wrote : Yes, please.

** He: 'I haven't slept all night in the train.'

Friend:' Why?'

He:' I had an upper berth.'

Friend: 'Why didn't you exchange it?'

He: There was nobody in the lower bunk to change it with.

 

Tags: idiot

Prev: 27th June 2012 Friends Of The Weather

27th June 2012 Friends Of The Weather

It has been commented by fellow bloggers that I covered quite a range of different themes in my Blogs. I do so to clear my mind of the jumbled thoughts that keep piling up, often mixed & tangled that need periodic deleting or filing away. I guess the Blog serves the purpose of the latter.

That made me think of the theme which occurs to most people frequently or even daily, in any greeting or meeting between 'friends of the weather' I call them. The way they always begin any conversation by talking about the weather. Especially the English. It's almost like the obligatory beginning of any casual conversation with friends, & an unwritten rule for ice breaking with strangers. It works well I must admit but I seldom do if not never. What's the point when 2 neighbours meet in the same street & start telling each other about the weather you both under & well aware of? In the net where cyber friends could be anywhere in the world, the need for anyone to know how the weather is for me in Spain or where they are in America, Australia or wherever, is not exactly something either is dead interested in knowing. Unless you are about to visit each other.

 

After a good 10 minutes moaning, comparing & discussing the weather, just when you think it's not too rude to change the subject to finally say " So, how have you been doing?", not suspecting, that would just open the door for a 3 quarter hour detailed account of his friend's poor sister-in-law's cousin's fiance's untimely broken ankle ... while you try hard to think whether you have ever even met that friend, let alone the long chain of people attached to him.

There's also the very caring, very solicitous friend, who wishes to know EVERYTHING, what you did, been doing, will do ... covering the past 6 months & the next 6 to come.

 
Or the one who insists, each & every time you meet, that " We simply must get together to have some dinner or something. I'll call you" then hurried off, never to be heard of again, until the next time you meet, to repeat the same conversation all over, for the 5th year! That kind of friends are usually women, while men would try to corner you every chance they get to invite you out for 'dinner. That's okay if some of them don't have in mind the desert being the kind the waiter brings to the table. 

One day when you just recovered from a dreadful cold that kept you in bed for a whole week, now still with streaming eyes & a red nose, there would be this very warm & charming friend who always greets you with a huge smile, & squealed : " Mine, don't you look gorgeous! Love your hair! Oh, new blouse too, lovely!" when you hadn't washed your hair for a week & she had said the same thing when she last saw the blouse 2 years ago!

People don't seem to really communicate any more except one or double liners by occasional email. Or they do talk together but not exactly say anything! Or say things just to fill the awkward silence, without meaning them!

 

I am reluctant to, but I might have to join the majority after all, if I want to have some conversation with people. Play safe, start with the weather, If you are interested, it's a bit cloudy today in Roses, but the sun did come up this morning, then disappeared, then back again, and now... hell, I am just no good at this! Who am I to try to compete with the Weather Gent / Lady?

Tags: conversation, friends, weather

Prev: 26th June 2012 Massacre Of Talent