Achieving Inner Peace

** How to achieve Inner Peace **

Here's some advice from a top psychologist:


Dr. Neil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.


So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Pinot Noir, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kaluha, a packet of Penguins, the remainder of bottle of Prozac, Valium prescriptions, the rest of the Cheesecake, and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how good I feel!

Tags: InnerPeace

Psychiatrist & The Happily Insane

Psychiatrist's Advice   

If you think about the mental health topic more carefully, all sorts of demons crawl out of the woodwork. In my case it made me think, 'who are the sane?' I also remember the case of a psychiatrist who treated a woman who was insane, but harmless. She thought that the 5 dolls she tended were her actual children, the reality was she was unmarried and had no children. 


The psychiatrist said that he would not cure her even if he could because she was enjoying her fantasies so much.

Testing Patient  

Dr. Marley, the head psychiatrist at Front Lawn Asylum, is examining patients to see if they're recovered and ready to re-enter society.


'So, Mr Lewis,' the doctor says to one of his patients, 'I see from your chart that you've been recommended for discharge. Do you have any idea what you might do once you leave here?'


Henry Lewis thinks for a moment, then replies, 'Well, I went to a college for telecommunications. That's still a good field, good money there. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it's like to be a patient here. People might be interested in reading a book like that. In addition, I thought I might go to evening school and study art history, which I've grown interested in lately.'


Dr. Marley nods, looks pleased and says, 'Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities.'


So Henry Lewis adds, 'And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a coffee pot.'

Tags:Psychiatrist,Insane

Mental Health Humour - Or Truth?

** Mental health humour is a difficult topic, here is what the best brains say about madness **
* There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. - Oscar Levant
* Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion. - Robertson Davies
* Reality is something you rise above. - Liza Minnelli
* I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it. - Mary Chase
* Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence. - Henrik Tikkanen
* People often write me and ask how I keep my wood floors so clean when I live with a child and a dog, and my answer is that I use a technique called 'Suffering From a Mental Illness'. - Heather Armstrong
* Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn
* If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane. - Jimmy Buffett
* Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad. - Diogenes the Cynic
* I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.' - Umberto Eco
* One out of four people in this country is Mentally Unbalanced. - Ann Lander
* When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. - Mark Twain
Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy. - Nora Ephron
* Everyone is born a genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes. - Edgard Varese
* I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. - Richard Lewis
* When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane. - Hermann Hesse
* I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity. - Edgar Allen Poe
* Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. - Jane Wagner

* Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. - Me
** Genius - Madness Research **
Research indicates that Genius cannot exist without mental disorder, George Orwell and Lewis Carroll suffered autism. While Mozart, Hans Christian Andersen and Mozart almost certainly suffered from Asperger's syndrome. Those suffering from Asperger's syndrome often have artistic creativity, as well as mathematical genius.

Although none of the above mental health statements are completely true, what is so disturbing, is that each author discloses a grain of truth.

Tags: Sane,Mad.Humour.Truth

How Smart Is Your Right Foot?

** Can you outsmart your right foot? **

This is so frustrating! It's so funny/weird that it will boggle your mind. And if you are anywhere near as stubborn as I am, you will keep trying at least a few more times to see if you can outsmart your foot ... but you can't.

1) While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2) Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.

3) Your foot will change direction.

I told you so. And, there's nothing you can do about it! Go ahead: KEEP TRYING ALL YOU WANT.

Have a great day. Now get back to work.

** Right Foot, Wrong Foot **

Greg, the three year old, put his shoes on by himself. His father, Barry, noticed that the left shoe was on the right foot and vice-versa. He sat Greg down on a chair and said quietly, 'Greg, your shoes are on the wrong feet.'

The little boy looked up at his father with a quizzical expression and replied, 'Don't mess me about, Dad, I know they're my feet.'

** Family Feet Business **

I heard once of a story of a family firm who cornered the feet market. One brother sold shoes, each shoe had a hidden fatal flaw. As a direct result the victim's feet needed treatment with the second brother, who was the only Chiropodist in town.

Legend had it that the chiropodist was so incompetent that the only way the victim could get home was in a taxi. You're ahead of me now, the third brother had the only taxi firm for miles around.

Tags:Foot,Chiropodist,TaxiCo.