Fun With Interpretation & Misinterpretation

** I told my friend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, permanent."

** I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

** I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best Before End'

** I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

** I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he then?"

** My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.

** I met the bloke who invented crosswords. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R something something.

** The recruitment consultant asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?? I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

** This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

** I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."

** I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there.

** I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

** I went to buy a train ticket to France. The ticket seller said "Eurostar?" I said "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin."

** I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

** One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.

** A Polish immigrant went to the DVLA to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. He was shown a card with the letters :- 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the officer asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

** Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay.

** I walked into B&Q at lunchtime and some old guy dressed in orange asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately, I got the first punch in and it was the end of that.

Tags:interpretation,misinterpretation

• Current Mood: amused

'I'm Not Selling. Ever!'

That's what a Chinese guy said: 'I'm not selling. Ever!', referring to his house situated right in the middle at the sport planned for a highway/motorway, in front of the railway station in Wenling in the Provence of Zhejiang, China. The developers had offered what they reckoned a handsome price for his and other owners' houses nearby. All his neighbours accepted and had moved away and their houses demolished, except for the connecting walls and frames left there to support his house structure while the negotiations dragged on & on and the highway gradually built around him until the highway was completed around his house, an eye-sore and great inconvenience for motorists.

Only a few days ago he went back on his word, accepted after all the compensation cash figure very much higher than first offered & increased several times before during the negotiation. The exact sum was not revealed by him or by anyone else involved in the construction of the motorway, nor the media (to prevent likely examples that persistence pays).

Rumour runs that he had fared very much better financially than all his neighbours. Apart from the handsome compensation, he was also given a piece of land to build his new house on.

The funny side of all this is, his stubbornness had caused lots of problem for the motorway to function properly but, occasionally one could spot a few equally stubborn cars going through in a round about way as the photo shows.

Tags:Highway,House,China

• Current Mood: accomplished