Drivers: The Old, The Sick, The Cunning ...

** Stop Or Slow Down **

One night Rodney was driving home along a road he knew well. When he reached the Stop sign he slowed down but did not actually come to a halt, whereupon a police officer pulled Rodney's car over.

'What difference does it make' said Rodney, 'slow down or stop'.

'I will give you a demonstration' said the officer and starting beating Rodney with his truncheon.

'Now would you like me to slow down - or stop?

** Patrol Officer Meets His Match **

A patrol officer pulled over Enid for speeding. Enid was a 65 year old lady from out of state. The officer asked to see her license.

'Don't have one' Enid said.

'Can I please see the Vehicle registration' the officer asked firmly but politely.

'Nope' snapped Enid.

In that case I will have to take you into the Police station and charge you there.

When they arrived they arresting officer said, to the duty sergeant. This lady has no license and no vehicle registration.

'Sure I do' said Enid sweetly. This officer has got it in for me; the next thing is he will be saying that I was speeding.

** The Old Ones are The Best - Or the Worst? **

A group of pensioners were discussing their medical problems at the Day Centre coffee morning.

'Do you realise,' said one, 'My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup.'

'Yes, I know.' replied the second, 'My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee.'

'I can't turn my head,' rejoined the third, 'because of the arthritis in my neck.'

'My blood pressure pills make my dizzy,' commented the fourth, adding, 'I guess that's the price we pay for getting old.'

'Well, it's not all bad.' piped up the first, 'We should be thankful that we can still drive.'

 

Drivers,Old,Cunning

The 13 Witches Of Coven

1)One of the witch's coven gave birth to twins. The problem arose when the other witches could not tell which witch was witch.

2) Member Edna was a dog trainer by day, then by night she went from wags to witches.

3) When the coven travelled to an out-of-town gathering, Martha could not make it, she was a poor traveller and phoned in broom sick.

4) Celia tried to fly to the coven meeting, but her broomstick broke, no worries, she witch-hiked with Sheila.

5) The other 12 witches asked Gladys why she put her broomstick in the washing machine. Gladys replied that she wanted a clean sweep.

6) Ivana kept on climbing up walls so now the other members of the coven call her 'Ivy'.

7) One day Astrid dropped off at the astrologer's, she wanted to know her horror-scope.

8) Leslie could not distinguish between Tiny Tina and a stag the coven were chasing. Betty said, 'It's easy, one is a haunted stag, the other is a stunted hag'.

9) Celia asked Edna why she carried a pencil sharpener. 'It's to keep my hat pointed', came the reply.

10) When Gladys went to the zoo she bought two tickets. Leslie asked 'Why?'. 'One to get, and one to get out replied Gladys'.

11) Astrid asked Ivy where she bought her garden furniture. 'At the Ideal Gnome' exhibition', came the reply.

12) When ever the coven have a brew up, they always drink their tea from a flying saucer.

13) What happened when the coven's darts team lost all their matches? They had a spell in the second division.

 

Tag:Witches