Harry And The Cat

Harry really hated his old lady's cat. So he put it in the car and drove twenty blocks away and dropped it off. Just as he pulled in the driveway, he noticed the cat sitting on the window sill. The next day he decided he would take the cat 40 blocks away and drop it off. But again, the cat found it's way home. Each day he kept going further and further away, but the cat would always find it's way home.

Harry was so furious that he decided to take the cat a few miles away, turned right, then left, circled around, then right again, another right, backtracked a couple of blocks, then left again. Harry then dropped the cat off.

Hours later, he called his wife on the phone, "Honey, is the cat there?"

"Yeah, she answers." "Why?"

Harry replies, "Put the freaking cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!" Tags:harry,cat

Current Mood: Amused

Quick, Before It Starts ...

Before it starts

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work,
plops down on the couch in front of the television,
and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts!"

The wife sighs and gets him a beer.
Ten minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer
before it starts!"

She looks across, but fetches another beer and
slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer
and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another
beer, it's going to start any minute!"

The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all
you're going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in
front of that TV! You're nothing but a lazy, drunken,
fat slob, and furthermore..."

The man sighs and says, "It's started..."

Tags:beer

Current Mood: Amused

Men - From Some Women's Point Of View

• Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.


• Perfect numbers like perfect men are very rare.


• Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.


• To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior’.


• Men are alive for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.


• All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.


• Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equalling a hundred miles


• If you never want to see a man again, say, ‘I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children with you …’ – they leave skid marks.


• A man in the house is worth two in the street.


• A genius is a man who can re-wrap a new shirt and not have any pins left over.


• Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.


• Men who don’t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.


• Man has will, but woman has her way.


• If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.


• When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.


• Women don’t make fools of men most of them are the “do-it-yourself” types.


• Men are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time … they’re gone.


• You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.


• A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.


• Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.


• To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning but to a man it is the beginning of the end.


• To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.


• Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. And they are both disappointed.


• There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy … like nailing jelly to a tree for example.


• Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.


• The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs …


• Some Women would rather be beautiful than smart only because men can see way better than they can think.

Tags:Men,Women'sView

Current Mood: Amused

A Good Excuse

** A good excuse

A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He looks in his rear view mirror and notices a police car with its red lights. He thinks, "I can outrun this guy", so he floors it.

The cars are racing down the highway - 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy realizes he can't outrun the cop so he gives up and pulls over to the curb.

The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."

The man thought for a moment and said, "Three weeks ago my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!"

** The toilet seat incident

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their commode. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. He left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the commode. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the commode seat. About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.

They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, In desperation, Charlie undid the commode seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the Hospital Emergency Room. The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her. Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying:

"Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before".

"Actually," said the Doctor, " I've seen a lot of them. I just never saw one FRAMED before."

Tags:frame,excuse

Current Mood: Amused

The Reader - My 1,000th Old Blog Revisited

The Horror of Nazi had left deep wounds difficult to forget. Especially in Germany. Some are evident, like those sequels of the war and the memories of the concentration camps. Others are more diffuse, secretive and difficult to comprehend. Stephen Daldry's 'The Reader' displays his ability to bring them to light and he did it with great aplomb.

One leaves the cinema touched, moved, with mixed emotions and with the strange sensation that you understand - a little, at least - the intimate drama of Germany, divided between the sense of guilt and the necessity of redemption. The film is based on 'The Reader' of Bernhard Schlink, set off in the mid 50's in Berlin. At first glance, the film is about a 15 year old boy (David Kross) who was living his first love with a mature woman (Kate Winslet). The woman disappeared and didn't reappear till nearly 10 years later as one of the accused for Nazi war crimes.

All that was remembered by the boy, now an adult, in the 90's. (effectively played by Ralph Fiennes). With all these elements, between historical and personal, Daldry maps out and paints an emotional picture of 3 generations of Germans marked by Nazism and personal memories. It is a palpable portrait of complexity he doesn't try to justify nor accuse. Just to put forth the happenings and the consequences resulting in a society profoundly traumatized. It's also a love story between a young man and a emotionally wounded woman.

'The Reader' is a collection of portraits of people under trying circumstance and conflicts. Brilliantly adapted by the dramatist David Hare, a theatre man who had worked with Daldry before in 'The Hours'. A film of complex psychology, humanity and disturbing history, with one of the climax in the character played by Kate Winslet, candidate for an Oscar for this film. Interesting to see her transformed to become 40 years older. A woman with a Nazi past imputed to the completion of duty and a sad present, marked in turn by that terrible past.

Its about to comprehend, to pardon, to assume and perhaps to not repeat. Also about judgement, punishment, and intention to forget. The election is not easy; at times seems not possible. It's historical memory of a nation put on pillory. The allegory of the tragedy of all Germany.

Tags:blog1000,thereader

Current Mood: Artistic

The Magic Kiss - Video

Sometimes getting a kiss from a pretty girl requires a little magic so Stuart Edge created the Magic Kissing Card Trick to help him achieve this and impress the girls. I like how he uses a different guy at one point to show that the trick works equally well with someone else.