6th Aug 2012 With Multiply Dying ... Let's Pray

Seeing Multiply is closing up for good on Dec the 1st, I started checking my files, exactly what for I don't really know; just restless and fiddling with files that had been linked to writing Blogs I guess. I came across this piece ... If I had posted it before, I am not apologizing, I still find it funny looking at it again.

Ten of The Best Witty and Funny Church Signs ~

1. Notice in a church parking lot. Trespassers will be baptised.
2. If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.
3. Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.
4. How will you spend eternity - Smoking or Non-smoking?
5. Fight truth decay -- study the Bible daily.
6. No God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace.
7. Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!
8. When the restaurant next to a chapel put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the chapel reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
9. Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.
10. In the dark? Follow the Son.

Tags: churchsigns

Prev: 6th Aug 2012 Wisdom Of Life - Some Are Witty & Some Are Even True

6th Aug 2012 Wisdom Of Life, Some Are Witty, Some Are Even True

** The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

** The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.

** The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order.

** Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it.
** He has a face like a Saint - A Saint Bernard.

** I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

** The empty vessel makes the greatest sound

** Silence and smile are two powerful words. Smile is the way to solve many problems and Silence is the way to avoid many problems.

** Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.

** There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

** He could start a row in an empty house.

** I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.

** He has all the virtues I dislike, and none of the vices I admire

** I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.

** In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back

** To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.

** Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

** Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later a collection of mistakes called Experience leads us to success.

To do is to be - Descartes
To be is to do - Voltaire
Do be do be do - Frank Sinatra

 

Tags: wisdom, life

Prev: 06th Aug 2012 A Giggle On The London Olympic

6th Aug 2012 A Giggle On The London Olympics

• When the President of Mexico has announced that Mexico will not participate in the upcoming London Olympic Games.
  He told us, 'Pretty much everyone who can run, jump, or swim has already left the country.'
• At the Olympic Games, Rhoda meets a man carrying an eight-foot-long metal stick.
  'Excuse me,' says Rhoda to the man. 'Are you a pole vaulter?'
  'No,"' says the man, 'I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?'
• Apparently the maid I hired to clean my house while I was watching the London Olympics was only second best.
  She just walked off with the silver.
• Why isn't "sun tanning" an Olympic sport at London Lon2012? Because the best you can ever get is bronze.
• Pete Jones turned up for the Olympics with some barbed wire under his arm, and came third in the fencing.

Tags: giggles, londonolympic

Prev: 6th Aug 2012 Be Wise, But Be Able To Laugh When Not ...

6th Aug 2012 Be Wise, But Be Able To Laugh When Not ...

** One good turn gets the duvet.

** The early worm gets eaten!

** Never miss a good chance to shut up.

** There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither theory works.

** The second mouse gets the cheese.

** Hotel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.

** Never kick a fresh cowpat on a hot day.

** Even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

** When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

** To cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.

** There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
** A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.
** Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought.
** A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.
** When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
** When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and my conscience is my religion.

Tags: wise, foolish

Prev: 6th Aug 2012 Funny Football Fiascos

6th Aug 2012 Funny Football Fiascos

** An edition of Observer Sport Monthly featured a small item about a Moroccan parachutist. The one who, at the opening ceremony for the 1988 African Nations Cup in Casablanca, watched by royalty and the most important men in world football, delayed kick-off by missing the pitch and getting tangled up in the floodlights, where he hung upside down for 45 minutes.

** During the last Nations Cup in Mali two years ago, there was a full-scale punch-up on the pitch, involving a Cameroon coach and Malian soldiers. The coach, a former World Cup goalkeeper, had placed a charm in the Mali net. Witchcraft, juju; call it what you like. 
 

** My favourite was the tale of the South African team which drove out of town, walked backwards and barefoot off the team bus into the the bush until they found a termite mound, urinated on it, then walked backwards to the bus again - and still didn't win the league.

Tags: footballfiasco

Prev: 5th Aug 2012 Life In A Nutshell - Learning To Live ...