27th Nov 2011 Observations & Funny Thoughts About Women

1. What is better than wisdom? Woman. And what is better than a good woman? Nothing. But some would say Naughty woman.
2. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
3. A woman knows how to keep quiet when she is in the right, whereas a man, when he is in the right, will keep on talking.
4. Woman is a miracle of divine contradictions.
5. Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
6. If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
7. One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
8. I like my whisky old and my women young.
9. Most women are not always as young as they are painted.
10. What a strange thing man is; and what a stranger thing woman.

Tags: aboutwomen

Prev: 27th Nov 2011 What A Naughty Woman Should Know (for Greger)

27th Nov 2011 What A Naughty Woman Should Know

1. Aspire to be Barbie - That girl has everything.
2. If the shoe fits - Buy them in every colour.
3. Take life with a pinch of salt - A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.
4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls.
5. Go on the 30 day diet.- I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days.
6. When life gets you down - Just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.
8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK. - They know me here.
9. Lead me not into temptation. - I can find it myself.
10. Don't get your knickers in a knot. - It solves nothing and makes you walk funny.
11. When life gives you lemons in 2010 - Turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.
12. Remember where ever there is a good looking, sweet, single or married man - There is probably some woman tired of his behaviour.
13. Keep your chin up: Only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.
14. If it has Tyres or Testicles - it's going to give you trouble.
15. By the time a women realizes her mother was right: She has a daughter who thinks she's wrong.

Tags: naughtywomen

Prev: 27th Nov 2011 What A Woman Should Know And Should Have

27th Nov 2011 What A Woman Should Know & Should Have

A Woman Should Have ...

** Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to ...

** Something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

** A youth she's content to leave behind ...

** A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age ...

** A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra ...

** One friend who always makes her laugh ... and one who lets her cry ...

** A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family ...

** Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honoured ...

** A feeling of control over her destiny.

How to fall in love without losing herself.

A Woman Should Know ...

** How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship ...

** When to try harder ... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

** That she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

** That her childhood may not have been perfect ... but its over ...

** What she would and wouldn't do for love or more ...

** How to live alone ... even if she doesn't like it ...

** Whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally ...

** Where to go, be it to her best friend's kitchen table, or a charming inn in the woods; when her soul needs soothing ...

** What she can and can't accomplish in a day ... a month ... or a year...

 

Tags: woman, know, have

Prev: 27th Nov 2011 The ATM Drive-Through Machine

27th Nov 2011 The ATM Drive-Through Machine

The ATM Drive-Through ~

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, Male and Female procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.

Procedure for Men ~

1. Drive up to the ATM (cash machine).
2. Wind down your car window.
3. Insert card into ATM and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and take the notes.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Wind-up window.
7. Drive off. 
8.  

Procedure for Women ~

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the ATM.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat, finally locate the card.
4. Tell girl friend on mobile phone that you will call her back and hang up. Attempt to insert card into machine.
5. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its distance from the car. Insert debit card.
6. Re-insert card the right way.
7. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the address page.
8. Enter PIN.
9. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
10. Enter amount of cash required.
11. Take a quick peek at yourself in rear view mirror.
12. Retrieve notes and receipt
13. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
14. Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of chequebook.
15. Re-check makeup.
16. Drive forward 2 feet.
17. Reverse back to cash machine.
18. Retrieve card.
19. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
20. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you
21. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
22. Redial person on cell phone.
23. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
24. Release Parking Brake.

 

Tags: atm, drive-through

Prev: 26th Nov 2011 A Woman's Poem