Liar, Liar

A police officer pulled a guy over for speeding and had the following exchange:   Officer: 'May I see your driver's license?' Driver: 'I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.' Officer: 'May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?' Driver: 'It's not my car. I stole it.' Officer: 'This car is stolen?' Driver: 'That' right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun there.' Officer: 'There's a gun in the glove box?' Driver: 'Yes Sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owned this car and stuffed her in the trunk.' Officer: 'There's a body in the trunk?!?!? Driver: 'Yes Sir' Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation.   Captain: 'Sir, can I see your license?' Driver: 'Sure, here it is.' The driver's license was valid. Captain: 'Whose car is this?' Driver: 'It's mine, Sir. Here's the owner's card.' The driver owned the car. Captain: 'Could you slowly open up your glove box so I can see whether there's a gun in it?' Driver: 'Yes Sir. But there's no gun in it.' Sure enough, there's nothing in the glove box. Captain: 'Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you had a body in it.' Driver: 'No problem.' Trunk was open, no body. Captain: 'I don't understand it. The Officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there's a dead body in the trunk.' Driver: 'Yeah, and I bet the lying S.O.B. told you I was speeding too!' Tags:Liar,SOB

Current Mood: Amused

Gay Days Ahead For 007

Eager that the service of intelligence reflects today's society in all it's aspects and complexity, the British Government had contracted the services of a well known public relations company a few years ago, to animate the gays and lesbians to set themselves a new career goal, that of spies - secret agents.

Up till then, the MI5 and MI6 had their doors tightly shut against the homosexuals, under the absurd pretext that they were more vulnerable to blackmails (Guy Bergess and Anthony Blunt, two leaders of the Cambridge group working for the KGB during the cold war, were gays).

Things have changed since the terrorist attack on the London underground in July 2005, perpetrated by Islamic young men of British nationality. The British Secret Service, previously allergic to the homosexuality, has since had a radical turn-around.

Stonewall, the public relations agency, undertook the task of recruiting more young Muslins, more women, more specialists in Islamic languages, and also more gays and lesbians. Members of the minority, ethnic or sexual, are used to integrate themselves discretely into all kinds of communities, very useful quality for 007 of the future.

Now, there are already homosexuals in the British Intelligence, but many of them resist to divulge this fact for fear of being accused of lying or concealing or not telling the whole truth in filling in the questionnaires when they first joined the service. Or they worry that their sexual orientation might be used against them by homophobic bosses.

The central element of the campaign is to encourage them to come out of the closet naturally. "One of these days, soon enough, there will be gay or lesbian directors in the MI6. There's no reason why this shouldn't happen.", said Ben Summerskill, president of the publicity company.

Tags:Gay007,MI6,SecretAgent

Current Mood: Cheerful

Ricochet? Or Concatenation?

Once again an event happened in real life is proven to be stranger than fiction, more like a movie. Just one gunshot but there were 2 victims, both hit and one of them in very grave condition. Had it not been for the seriousness of the matter with one of the people still in the ICU, what led up to the outcome could almost be a plot in a black comedy.

A little after midnight last Saturday or, at the first hour of Sunday, two men were having a heated dispute in the centre of Madrid, in the residential district where there are a few bars. What they were quarrelling about is not yet known, but it ended with one of them giving the other a mighty blow on the face, knocking him onto the ground breaking his jaw.

In pain and furious, the guy down on the ground pulled out a pistol and fired. The bullet shot bypassed the intended target and hit an innocent passer-by happened to be walking there. The bullet went into his left side. Then, amazingly, the same bullet went on to hit, a second later, another man walking nearby, badly injured him on the shoulder.

What baffled the police was that the 1st man hit had not even realized he had been shot, but had quickened his steps to get away from the troubled area when he heard the loud shot. He walked on for about 100 meters then suddenly felt an excruciating pain on his left side, and shocked to realize that he was bleeding. He quickly phoned Emergency. The police and ambulance arrived just before he passed out. After administering 1st aid to stabilise him, they took him to hospital where he was taken to surgery immediately.

The 2nd victim who had previously seen something of the fight but was minding his own business, had also heard the loud shot, realized he had been hit and phoned a friend, who arrived quickly and took him to the same hospital. To his great surprise, he saw the guy in the fight, the one whose jaw was broken, also sitting there in the emergency waiting to be attended. He nudged his friend to inform the hospital staff, who in turn alerted the police, that the shooter was there too in the same hospital. He was arrested 10 minutes later.

It was later explained by the doctors that the bullet had hit the 1st man's left rib, went through the left part of the upper stomach, and continued the track out with great force hitting the 2nd guy on the shoulder. The police had also found out later that the shooter, when arrived at the hospital to have his jaw seen to, had given a false identity. Another crime!

Tags:quarrel,bullet,victims

Current Mood: Awake

Website Names To Amuse You

All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time to consider how their online name might appear!
1. 'Who Represents' is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity Their Web site is: www.whorepresents.com
2. 'Experts Exchange' is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at: www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a great pen? Look no further than 'Pen Island '. It can be found at: www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try 'Therapist Finder' at: www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then there's the 'Italian Power Generator' company. Check it out at: www.powergenitalia.com
6.'IP computer' software, there's always: www.ip_anywhere.com
7.'The First Cumming Methodist Church' Web site is: www.cummingfirst.com
8. And the designers at 'Speed of Art' await you at their wacky Web site: www.speedofart.com
Have a fun day! Just be careful what you name YOUR new web site

Tags:Giggle,WebSiteNames

Current Mood: Amused