Here is another original story, told by a guy who swore it's true. It's about a friend of his friend Barney, over 25 years going back to the time when gas appliances in England were being converted from methane to natural gas.
Barney
had a good job as a fitter of these replacement gas appliances. It was
a lovely job because they were paid on piece rate. The more houses
they could convert, the more they earned. Barney got faster and faster
at his job. He was expert at unscrewing the old oven and boiler parts,
then whipping in the new fittings. He was so good that he could even
convert the appliances without turning off the gas at the mains.
Now
to pull off this trick Barney trained his breathing along the lines of
those boys who dive for oysters. He would take a huge lungful of air,
take off with the old fitting - O.K. so gas escapes, but he soon whacked
in the new shiny new joint, and then gasped another breath from an
open window. There was one other proviso for this risky shortcut, the
owner had to be out.
One
day he knocked on the door, explained to the lady that he had come
from the gas board about their north sea conversion. The owner was
delighted that she was finally going to move from the smelly old gas to
the new natural gas. She told Barney that she had to just pop out to
the shops and as her husband was working in the garden, Barney could go
ahead with his fitting. Great thought Barney, this will be a quick
job, no need to turn off the gas at the mains. The boiler was no
trouble, but one of the jets in the oven was rusty and crusted. Even
though the gas was escaping, Barney sprayed a can of WD-40 on the
obstinate fitting and eventually it unscrewed and he whisked on the
replacement part.
As
Barney came up for air, to his horror, he spotted that the budgie in
the kitchen was lying on its back at the bottom of his cage. It was not
looking good, and to add to his trouble he could see the lady opening
the gate at the bottom of the garden. What to do? Being resourceful,
Barney cut a length of fuse wire and rapped it around the dead budgie's
legs and tethered him to his perch. As a nice touch he even set the
perch rocking, and then turned and met the lady in the door way. 'All
done' Barney said as he sauntered down the path to the gate.
'My goodness' said the lady, 'my budgie'. Barney
picked up the lady's bad vibes and his chances of legging it were not
improved by the sudden appearance of the woman's husband blocking his
exit.
'Come back here' she said, and as his escape was cut off by the husband, he had no option but to turn and face the music.
'It's
a miracle', the lady said, 'when I left this morning, my budgie was
dead, now he's jumped up on his perch and is swinging away happy as you
please'.
