Poking Fun At The Irish

** Irish Sausages **

"Can I have some Irish sausages please?" Asked Seamus. I want to make a proper Irish hot-dog.

The shop assistant looked at him and enquired, "Are you Irish?"

"If I asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked you for a Kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? Would you, he? Would you?"

The assistant replied, "Well ... ER ... no".

"And if I asked you for some Bourbon whiskey, would you ask me if I was American? What about Danish bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?"

"Well, I probably wouldn't," came the response.

Self-righteously, Seamus demanded, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish, just because I asked for Irish Sausages?"

"Because you're in a blooming shoe shop," replied the assistant.

** The Two Parachute Dilemma **

There were three passengers in a light aircraft but only two parachutes.

The first, Seamus, was the Irish Master Mind Champion.

The second, Larry, was an American Hall of Footballer.

The third, Bruce, was an Australian dual Olympic Games Champion.

The conversation went thus, Seamus said, 'There have been many American Hall of fame footballers and several people have won Olympic Gold medals, but there has only ever been one Irish Master Mind Champion. So I'll take the first parachute and you two can fight it out for the last one' .

With that Seamus took a parachute and leapt out of the plane, which incidentally, by now was in considerable distress.

'How shall we decide who has the last parachute?', Larry asked Bruce.

'No worries', Bruce said, 'Yonder Irish Master Mind Champion has jumped out with my rucksack'.

Tags:Sausages,Parachutes

Current Mood: Amused

Repairing Honour

The official medical name is 'Hymenoplastia', referring to the surgery to replace the hymen 'lost'. I have never knew the existence of such a medical term nor in fact the surgery itself till a few years ago. What an idea! To replace something that at any moment might get 'lost' again!!

The movie on here right now called 'Caramel' reminds me of this, in which story is played out and dealt with as a satiric comedy, and I took it as such. It was directed by the Lebanese lady director Labaki, who also plays the centre role. It was about several working class women, one of them is about to get married, but is extremely worried and nervous as she has this huge problem: she is not a virgin, as expected by the future husband, in fact by everybody, the entire society, that she ought to be, must be, on her wedding night.

Their religion, tradition and convention impose on a girl to guard her hymen as her most treasured property; her value, virtue and her life depend on that tiny piece of membrane, not her healthy body, her intelligence, her education, not her character, morality or even her looks come anywhere near it's importance. Her family would be dishonoured and bears the shame for life, and she herself would be condemned to what is equivaIent to a life sentence in a prison. Her girlfriends help her to find a doctor to put back that vitally important, life saving membrane. I will not disclose the story in case you wish to see it. It's definitely worth seeing, very entertaining.

Even in this 21st century, this modern day open and cosmopolitan society, there are still millions who take this very seriously, this honour business. Especially in some Arabic countries and the muslin world. How they expect to find an endless supply of virgins is quite a puzzle, even to the people who demand it surely, considering that nobody asks a man to be a virgin when he gets married. No doubt most of them have stolen' the virginity of a few fair maidens; how then would there be enough virgins for these same men when they decide to get married? If it matters not for them to 'steal' the virginity, why are they so upset when their brides had been the victims of the theft'?

Belgian was one the few offered help in the past, performing this all important life saving surgery to the desperate women, whose entire future depends on the replacement of the lost hymen. There are willing doctors and volunteers too supporting this initiative, and they asked for other countries to follow suit.

I don't understand this. How can that help? For how long? Won't it be likely they might even have the same 'patients' over and over? "Yes Doctor, I know I was here yesterday, but I lost it again last night"!

With the general outcry, at least in Europe, that the pressing problem in the medical section is precisely the deficit of hospitals, clinics, doctors, nurses, and machines, shouldn't they concentrate on saving life first? In the meantime, step up the measure of educating people, the whole society, about the subject matter of honour, so ridiculously based on the presence or absence of hymen instead? That a woman's worth has little to do with that little piece of quite useless membrane?

Tags:hymenoplastia,repairinghonour,surgery

Current Mood: Anxious

Curtain Up! Lights!

Ever since my school days and then into my teen years, I had always been besotted by the theatre. I started off in school plays, first with parts like angel with wings, little tiger with a long tail and later on, as a teenager, I was already in leading adult roles of serious dramas, appearing on proper theatres, had even earned a few dollars in several modest productions.

Perhaps that's why I was never keen on sport, as I reckoned the theatre was already in itself a sport. It calls for all of your physical rhythm with every aspect of your emotions, to forget who you are totally and become somebody else. To Be somebody else but not Acting as somebody else is a very draining process and exercise.

So while the other friends of my age were doing all sorts of sports, I was always reading a script or in rehearsals, with other players, or even by myself in front of a mirror, trying to perfect some expressions from the depth of me, not counting on facial muscles. I was at that time dead set in becoming an actress or a dancer, professionally, as a life long career. For quite a while even with ambition to combine both.

Then boys appeared, Destiny plus circumstances changed, and I was never either. Not in the sense that I had wished it. This had not changed in the slightest my great passion for both these arts I appreciate and adore so much.

My interests in both fields stretch beyond the stage itself. I am interested in just about every aspect of the theatre, including the technical areas and behind the scene organization, management, and of course, music.

El Palau de la Musica in Barcelona a few years ago, to celebrate the centenary ceremony of this fabulous concert hall, which had an open day for anyone who wished to see and learn how theatrical special effects were achieved, for instance. I had the luck to attend. It was like an invitation to Heaven.

I have always been fascinated by the team of talents who could produce any kind of effects, sound, sight or atmospheric, practically at will. Thunder, lightning, rain, storm, fire, gunshots, cannons, squeaking floorboard or doors, baby crying, dog barks, cat meows ... all with perfect control and precision, in skilful hands with little or no particular tools and props.

That day hese were all shown to the wide-eyed public by the behind the scene artists, guided and explained while they passed from hall to hall, passage through passage, indoor and out in the garden where they often have open air performances. Apart from concerts, they often stage extravaganzas, stage plays, operas and vast scale musicals, in the 15,000 square meters haven of high entertainment, which shares equal fame with the El Liceo, mostly for operas.

Tags:theatres,concerts,palaudelamusica

Current Mood: Contemplative

CSI Barcelona - Who Killed The Museum Dirtector?

The Natural Science Museum of Barcelona opened it's doors yesterday, inviting visitors to take part, investigating an assassination. It's a new exhibition, with the central theme 'Who killed the museum director?'. It definitely has the pull, apart from it's originality, being informative and very entertaining, all of which making it an irresistible visit.

Visitors sort of play the rolls of police, scientist and forensic specialists as well as detectives. Even see a corpse ( fake and rubbery, thank God ) opened up on a table, covered by a white sheet. Specimens of gigantic blue and green flies - friends of corpses. There are ballistic and forensic laboratories, interrogation rooms, and even a morgue with rows of 'drawers' for bodies. When one is pulled out, inside it stored information relevant to each case. Everything was planned and designed to look realistic, not as exhibits neatly arranged in glass fronted showcases.

The atmosphere is very similar to that of the popular television series CSI, and gives one a splendid excuse, to personally experience all the intrigues of the scientific methods used by experts, very complicated and meticulous procedures, being carried out in the various laboratories.

The public enter the scene of the crime (sorry, the exhibition) after contemplating the fictional newsreel that the director of this museum had been murdered. Anna Omedes, alive & well and the actually director, said she was 'relieved' that the body found was not that of a woman! There were even areas being cordoned off by police, equipped with little note books on which they jot down notes of their investigation.

As the public wander about, little clues were provided, subtly or ostentatiously, to raise your enthusiasm, and facilitate your own investigation, helpful to solve the crime. Like the very realistic diagram of the director's office, with the indispensable silhouette of the body chalked on the floor, to familiar yourself with the scenario.

Then you would come to a series of smallish cubicles, installed specially for this exhibition, each represents a laboratory, dedicated to a certain field of the many facets of criminology and it's investigation, each appropriately equipped with specialised machines, paraphernalia of the trade. All offer information of their use and roll in a murder investigation. Finger printing, foot and shoe prints, ballistic, fibers, robotic portraits, forensic medicines, etc.

The last, but certainly not the least, is the brrrr..., the body on the table, cold and gummy, in the midst of an autopsy. It had gone 36 hours and has begun to decompose, the public was informed. Nobody could complain that the realism had a limit. (Thank goodness the smell was not provided!)Then there's a chamber of refrigerated depositories of corpses. The no less spine chilling forensic dental chair, and the room for entomology which deals with the structure, habits, and classification of insects. I can just imagine Gil Grissom (CSI Las Vegas) looking at one and saying: This green fly had fed on the body for 13 hours, died only 1 hour 17 and a half minutes ago ...'

I had always been quite fascinated by the 2 way mirrors. Well there's one here, for interrogating suspects. In this case, there are the secretary, an antique dealer, the cleaning woman, and a visiting foreign director of another museum. Did he covert the job of the dead
director I wondered?

I concluded that it's more like a day in a film set than in a natural science museum. Real fun, informative & absorbing.

Tags:csi,museum,forensic,naturalscience

Current Mood: Accomplished