6th Sept 2011 Humour - The Scots, The Irish, The English

The Scot - Couldn't Spit It Out ~

Jock walks into a bar one day and stammers, 'Does anyone here own that South Doberman Pinschers outside?'

'Yeah, I do,' a tattooed biker says, standing up. 'What about it?'

"Well, I think my little Scotty terrier just killed him.'
'What are you talkin' about?' the biker says, disbelievingly. 'How could your little runt kill my Doberman?'

'Well,' mumbled Jock, 'it appears that he got stuck in your dog's throat.'

The Irish - A Barking Dog ~

'O'Toole and his wife are in bed one night and they hear the neighbour's dog is barking its head off in the garden. Somewhat disturbed by the noise, O'Toole explodes, 'Botheration and that!' and storms off downstairs.

He comes back upstairs five minutes later and his wife asks, 'What did you do, O'Toole?'

O'Toole replies with a wide grin, 'I've put the dog in our garden so I did, now let's see how they like it.'

The English - Jumping The Gun ~

Teacher: 'Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with "I".
Paul: 'I is the… '
Teacher: 'No, Paul . You must say "I am" not "I is."
Paul: 'All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

Tags: irish, english, scot

Prev: 6th Sept 2011 Giggles - The 'Mean' Scots & Their Wisdom

6th Sept 2011 Giggles - The 'Mean' Scots & Their Wisdom

** The 'Mean' Scots ~

• Sign at a Scottish golf course:
  'Members will refrain from picking up lost balls until they have stopped rolling.'
• Do you know the first people in the UK to have double glazing were the Scots?...It was so their bairns couldn't hear the ice cream vans.
• How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb? ... Och! it's no that dark!
• Have you heard about the lecherous Scotsman who lured a girl up to his attic to see his etchings? ... He sold her four of them.
• A Scotsman took a girl for a romantic ride in his taxi ... She was so beautiful he could hardly keep his eye on the meter.
• Did you know about the suicidal Scotsman who went next door to his neighbour's house to gas himself?
• What's the difference between a lawn mower and a bagpipe? You can tune a lawn mower.

** Five Gems Of Scottish Wisdom ~

• Money cannot buy happiness but ... somehow ... it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes Benz than on a bicycle.
• Forgive your enemy, but remember the geek's name.
• Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he's in trouble again.
• Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to bloody shoot them.
• Whisky does not solve your problems, but then again neither does milk.

Tags: wisdom, scots

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