** The 'Mean' Scots ~
- Sign at a Scottish golf course:
'Members will refrain from picking up lost balls until they have stopped rolling.' - Do you know the first people in the UK to have double glazing were the Scots?...It was so their bairns couldn't hear the ice cream vans.
- How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb? ... Och! it's no that dark!
- Have you heard about the lecherous Scotsman who lured a girl up to his attic to see his etchings? ... He sold her four of them.
- A Scotsman took a girl for a romantic ride in his taxi ... She was so beautiful he could hardly keep his eye on the meter.
- Did you know about the suicidal Scotsman who went next door to his neighbour's house to gas himself?
- What's the difference between a lawn mower and a bagpipe? You can tune a lawn mower.
** Five Gems Of Scottish Wisdom ~
- Money cannot buy happiness but ... somehow ... it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes Benz than on a bicycle.
- Forgive your enemy, but remember the geek's name.
- Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he's in trouble again.
- Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to bloody shoot them.
- Whisky does not solve your problems, but then again neither does milk.
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