What's & Why's To Offend Everybody

* What do you call 2 Mexicans playing basketball? -- Juan on Juan

* What is a Yankee? -- The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

* What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? -- The position of the dirt bag.

* Why is divorce so expensive? -- Because it's worth it.

* What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? -- Doughnuts.

* Why is air a lot like sex? -- Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

* What do you call a smart blonde? -- A golden retriever.

* What do attorneys use for birth control? -- Their personalities.

* What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? -- 10 years and 45 lbs.

* What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? -- 45 minutes.

* What is the fastest way to a man's heart? -- Through his chest with a sharp knife.

* Why do men want to marry virgins? -- They can't stand criticism.

* Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

* What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? -- After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

* Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -- The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

* Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? -- Because they have cotton balls.

* What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? -- A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

* What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? -- 'Are you sure it's mine?'

* Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? -- Mace will do that to you.

* Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia? -- Everyone has the same DNA.

* Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays? -- Because on Tuesdays & Thursdays the Sex Ed class uses it.

* Where does an Irish family go on vacation? -- A different bar.

* Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby? They named him 'Sum Ting Wong'

* What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? -- A speech impediment.

* What's the difference between a southern zoo & a northern zoo? -- A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

* How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F-word? -- Get another sweet 80-year-old to yell 'BINGO!'

* What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? -- A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time ...' and a southern fairytale begins ''Y' all ain't gonna believe this shit ...

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In Search Of Adulterers

A. C. Jacobs, the journalist who became well known when he told the story of how he read the British encyclopaedia from cover to cover, and set about living a year following all the doctrines of the Bible. True to all the challenges and carried out with delirious humour, he has published the book called 'The year of living biblically', which is being translated to multiple languages and soon the entire world will be able to enjoy this extravagance of apparent irreverence, but ending up being an extremely intelligent analysis of the events documented, very entertaining and humorous.

Jacobs did an excavation of the text in the Bible, separated norms, obligations and rules, more than 700 of them. Leaving off the ones that were strictly metaphorical and, with what seemed possible or applicable, he tried following the teaching truthfully to the letter, then putting all down in a sort of diary. Like how his beard grew, what fiber or material to use to dress himself, what to ingest as food, and acted out or interpreted certain paragraphs actually quite brutal or violent. And, the limitation of his sex life, his pilgrimages and his adaptations to the daily prayers.

Before he embarked on this biblical journey, Jacobs practiced rather relaxed agnosticism, vaguely influenced by his Jewish origin. Adapting to the biblical doctrines was therefore a radical change which obliged him to maintain an latitude which he described with precision, so much so that the reader would assist the transformation with a mixture of intrigue, curiosity and fascination. He told the Bible stories with such skill and great humour that you wouldn't feel attending a sermon but rather being entertained by hilarious tales.

The conversion provoke all sorts of very comical situations, like when he decided to go around the New York streets in search of adulterers to stone them as prescribed punishment. Since he couldn't actually throw stones at people as this would break the law, he had to use stone dust, which was the same thing except in tiny bits.

He covered the 10 commandments diligently, in his own ingenious and comical way, and found the experiment so unforeseeable as life itself, with it's plagues and miracles. At the end of it, he came to the conclusion that he was a changed man, more tolerant, and had acquired some different aspects of his personality. And the biggest surprise is that, as a result, he had written this most entertaining and extremely successful book, well received the world over.

Tags:Jacobs,bible,adulterer

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