Wednesday, 16 January 2013

The Genie & The Ostrich

Jan 16B
A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order.

The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?"
"I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich.

The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment.


The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says "I'll have a beer,"
The ostrich says "I'll have the same."

Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.


This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender.

"Well, it's close to last orders, so I'll have a large Scotch" says the man.
"Same for me" says the ostrich.
"That will be $7.20" says the bartender.

Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.


The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.


"That's fantastic!" says the bartender. "You are a genius! Oh, one other thing sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man replies, "Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs."

Tags: genie, ostrich

Rodman & His Genie

Jan 16A
Dennis Rodman finds a bottle on the beach and picks it up. Suddenly a genie appears from the bottle.

"Master, may I grant you one wish?" says the genie with a smile.

"Don't you know who I am? I don t need no woman givin me nuttin!" barks Rodman.

The genie pleads ... "But Master, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to this bottle forever."

Dennis thinks a moment ... then grumbling about the inconvenience of it all, he says, "Ok, ok ... I wanna wake up with three women in my bed in the morning, so just do it! Now leave me the hell alone!"

So the annoyed genie says "So be it!", and disappears back into the bottle.

Next morning, Rodman wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and Hillary Clinton in bed with him. His penis is gone, his leg is broken, and he has no health insurance.

Tags:Genie

Humour & Wisdom Of Confucius

Jan 16
Confucius Says:
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Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
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Man who run in front of car get tired.
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Man who run behind car get exhausted.
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Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
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Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
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Man with one chopstick go hungry.
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Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
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Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
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Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
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War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
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Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
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Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
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It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
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Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
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Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
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Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
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Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
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Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
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Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

Tags:Confucius,Wisdom,Humour
 Current Mood: amused amused