23rd Dec 2011 Funny Observations

The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings.'

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.

Materialism: Buying things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people that don't matter.

People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

I have all the money I'll ever need - if I die by 4p.m. today.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?

Join the army, visit exotic places, meet new people, then kill them.

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

Life is like a bird, it's pretty cute until it shits on your head.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognised.

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.

Why is it called Alcoholics ANONYMOUS when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic.'?

When you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: it dissolves marriages, families and careers.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.

Tags: funnyobservations

Prev: 23rd Dec 2011 Celtic Blessings & Irish Logic

23rd Dec 2011 Celtic Blessings & Irish Logic

** Celtic Blessings **

May the road rise up to meet you

May the wind be always at your back

May the sun shine down upon your face.

And the rain fall soft upon your fields

Until we meet again

May God hold you in the hollow of his hand

** Irish Drinking Toast **

May your glass be ever full.

May the roof over your head be always strong.

And may you be in heaven

half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

** Alternative Toast **

Here's to our wives and girlfriends:

May they never meet!

** Irish Explanation **

Siobhan followed her husband to the public house,

"How can you come here," she said, taking a sip of his pint of Guinness, "and drink that awful stuff?"

"Now!" he cried, "And there you are, always thought I was out enjoying myself."

 

Tags: celticblessings, irishlogic

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