5th April 2012 London's New Routemaster Bus

London's New 2012 Routemaster Bus
 

Final designs for London's "new Routemaster bus" have been unveiled. The double-Decker uses green technology to be 40% more efficient, it has two staircases and an open platform enabling people to "hop-on hop-off".

London Mayor Boris Johnson said the new bus for the capital would be "iconic" and "beautiful". A spokesman for Transport for London hoped the bus, which has three doors to speed up boarding, would be in service this year.


While the new bus design mimics some of the features of the iconic red London Routemaster bus and is scheduled to come into service this year. It also has a "glass swoop" at the back and "an asymmetric design for the front-end to complete the futuristic look".

Tags: londonbus

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5th April 2012 A Bus Driver's Funny Days

Old Lady & Peanuts ~

Dave is a bus driver. One day he was driving a bus load of pensioners to Brighton, on a day trip, when he was tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offered him a handful of peanuts, which he happily took and ate.

After about 20 minutes, she tapped him on his shoulder again and handed him another handful of peanuts. The old dear repeated this generous gesture several more times. When she is about to hand him yet another batch he decided to ask the little old lady, "Why don't you and your friends eat the peanuts yourselves?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she answered.

Dave was puzzled and enquired, "Then why on earth do you buy them?"

"Oh, we just love the chocolate around them," replied the old lady.

Here is another of Dave's stories:

The Drunks ~

One day an inebriated man got on Dave's double-Decker bus and sat in the bottom deck close to Dave. Now, Dave is not meant to allow drunks onto his bus but he had a good heart and let the man stay on.

The man started rambling on and on, disturbing Dave's concentration on the traffic, so Dave suggested he should sit upstairs. "The air is cleaner up there and you'll get a much better view." 

The man agreed, but returned a few minutes later.

"What's wrong?" Dave asked. "Don't you like it better up there?"

"It's fine," the drunk said. "But it's too dangerous: There's no driver".

More Drunks ~

At the next stop two more drunks got onto the bus. The first asked "Will this bus take me to 25th Street?"

Dave said, "No, it won't."

After a pause, the second man inquired, "What about me?"

Tags: oldlady, drunks, busdriver

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5th April 2012 Doctor, Patient, Specialist

Doctor Makes A Pig's Ear Of Operation ~

Earlier this year Winston lost his ear. Luck would have it that it was replaced, with a pigs ear, by doctors. They cut it to size and made it look more human before sewing it, invisibly, in place.

Several weeks passed before Winston felt it necessary to return to his surgeons.

When he did, Winston complained bitterly, 'Doctor, I keep hearing this noise and its doing my head in. 'The doctor, totally unconcerned answered, 'Don't worry, its just a bit of crackling.'

The Patient's X-Ray ~

Doctor Khan was giving a lecture to a group of medical students at the city hospital.

Pointing to the x-ray, he explained: "As you can see, this patient limps because his right fibula and tibia are radically arched."

The doctor looked up at the assembled students, and asked Sidney "Now what would you do in a case like this?"

Sidney piped up: "I suppose I would limp too."

The Specialist ~

'What kind of work do you do?' a woman passenger enquired of the man travelling in her train compartment.

'I'm a Naval surgeon,' he replies.

'My word!' spluttered the woman, 'How you doctors specialise these days.'

Beware Of Your Doctor Uttering These Phrases During Surgery ~

1. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
2. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
3. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
4. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
5. ... and could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.
6. Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
7. Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint. However, luckily for you, I happen to be a quack.
8. FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

Tags: patient, dr, specialist

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5th April 2012 Doctor, Doctor ...

Time Cures ~
'Doctor Mayo,' John says, 'Whenever I get up after a sleep, I feel dizzy for half an hour, then I'm all right.'

'Then wait for half an hour before getting up,' replies Doctor Mayo conclusively.
Home Or Away? ~
A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been. 'Oh, it was very disappointing,' he said. 'I didn't kill a thing. I'd have been better off staying here in the hospital.'
Father Or Son? ~
Iain speaks frantically into the phone, 'My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart.'
'Is this her first child?' the doctor queries.
'No, you idiot.' Iain shouts. 'This is her husband.'
Keep Taking the Medicine ~
Patient: It's been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.
Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?
Patient: I sure did - the bottle said 'keep tightly closed.'
Quick Diagnosis ~
Nurse: 'Doctor, Doctor the man you've just treated collapsed on the front step. What should I do?'
Doctor: 'Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!'
Eating Disorder ~
A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter's strange eating habits. 'All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?'
'Eventually,' said the consultant, 'she will rise and shine.'
A live-in face ~
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face ... turned me over and said. 'Look ... twins! '
Headache? ~
For a headache, nothing acts faster than Anadin. So I take nothing.
What Vision! ~
Amy to X-ray technician after swallowing some money:
'Do you see any change in me?'

 

Tags: doctor

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