20th Feb 2012 A Heavenly Marriage

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs.
 
Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Where it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite anisette sprinkled cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife..... 'Back off!' she said, 'they're for the funeral.' 

Tags: cookies, marriage

Prev: 20th Feb 2012 Trials & Tribulations Of Marriage

20th Feb 2012 Trials & Tribulations Of Marriage

1. Marriage is great! ~

Only last week, in the local pub, I bumped into Ricky. We chatted over a pint and he surprised me by announcing, 'Mark, Rosie and I are getting a divorce.'

I was stunned, 'Why? What happened, you two seem so happy together.'

'Well,' Ricky stated, 'ever since we got married, Rosie has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking, running around at all hours of the night and more. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music and how to invest in the stock market.'

'Are you a little bitter because she spent so much time trying to change you?' I probed.
'Nah, I'm not bitter,' Ricky continued, 'now that I'm so improved, Rosie just isn't good enough for me.'

2. Wife's Birthday ~

'Today is my wife's birthday,' announces Archie to his mate, Bert.

'What are you getting for her?' enquires Bert.

'Make me an offer!' responds Archie with a grin.

3. Foolish Marriage ~

After a lengthy quarrel, Mandy said to her husband, Dave, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.'

Dave replied quickly, 'Yes, Mandy, but I was in love and didn't notice it.'

4. Wedding Engagement ~

Enid, the bride to be, upon her engagement, went to her mother and told her, 'I've found a man just like father.'

Her mother replied, 'So, Enid, what do you want from me, sympathy?'

5. Beauty and the Beast ~

Mrs Brown: 'Don't you think that man over there is the ugliest person you've ever seen?'
Mrs Parr: 'That's my husband.'
Mrs Brown: 'Oh dear, I'm so sorry.'
Mrs Parr: 'YOU are sorry ... ?!!'

Tags: marriage

Prev: 20th Feb 2012 Humorous Views On Life

20th Feb 2012 Humorous Views On Life

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• Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can't blame on the government.
• Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
• If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
• Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.
• There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.
• The follies which a man regrets most in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.
• Men spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
• The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.

Tags: viewonlife

Prev: 20th Feb 2012 Some Pretty Unusual Marriages

20th Feb 2012 Some Pretty Unsual Marraiges

A Pack of Playing Cards?

They say that marriage is like a deck of cards, you start out with two hearts and a diamond, and end up with a club and a spade.

 

A Bride 23 Times !

Wedding bells again for amazing woman with sense of humour, having married 23 time! Amongst her many husbands, one beat her record, a man, in marrying her, became the man who had married 29 times, a world record.

Linda Wolfe, aged 68, who was first married at the age of 16, admits she became 'addicted to the romance' of getting hitched. Now grandmother with 23 ex-husbands, has been recognised as the most married woman in the world. Mrs Wolfe from Anderson, Indiana, USA can no longer list her husbands in order but remembers the nicest was a Mr George Scott, her first and, at seven years, her longest marriage.
It's amusing to record that she has been single now for 12 years, her longest stint unmarried since childhood, 'But I would get married again,' she declared laughing, 'because, you know, it gets lonely.'

Her Unusual Marriage Record: ~
 

• Linda, once married the same man, Jack Gourley, three times.
• Her longest marriage lasted seven years. Her shortest was just 36 hours.
• Over the subsequent decades she married a one-eyed convict, a preacher, barmen, plumbers and musicians.
• Two were homeless and one beat her. Another put a padlock on her fridge.
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Her last marriage, a decade ago, was a publicity stunt. It was to Glynn Wolfe, who in taking Linda as his bride meant he was the world's most married man, at 29 times. He died a year later aged 88.

Tags: marriages

Prev: 19th Feb 2012 Dinner With Mystery & Crime