**
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon,
though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even
"A Bit Cross."
Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in
1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the
British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great
plague of 1666.
**
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by
the recent destruction of France's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.
**
Italy, not just the French, is on a heightened level of alert too. It
has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
**
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have
two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
** Belgians,
on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat
they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
**
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
** Americans meanwhile are carrying out preemptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.
**
New Zealand has also raised its security levels from "baaa" to
"BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a
squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some
toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath. New Zealand only has one more
level of escalation, which is ‘Croikey, I hope Australia will come end
riscue us.' In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to
gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".
**
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be right, mate." Three more escalation levels remain,
"Crikey!"; "I think we'll need to cancel the Barbie this weekend" and
"The Barbie is cancelled." There has never been a situation that has
warranted the use of the final escalation level.
