How To Start The Day Feeling Real Good

** Starting the day feeling really good:

* Open a new file on your computer.

* Entitle it "Housework."

* Place it in the Recycle Bin.

* Empty the Recycle Bin.

* Your computer will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"

Answer "Yes" and click the left mouse button firmly.

Now you feel much better. Don't you?

** Whose side are you on?

A British Army Colonel was walking down Oxford Street in London, when he saw a man with no arms and no legs sitting on the pavement playing a mouth organ.

A sign beside the chap read, 'Victim of the Falklands War. '

'I say how disgraceful, he ' said the colonel, 'the way the country treats its veterans.' So saying, he pulled out his wallet and peeled off two fifty pound notes and dropped them in the ex-soldier's hat.

The veteran looked up and said, 'Muchas gracias, señor.'

 

Tag:FeelingGood

Current Mood: Amused

Knowledge Test For People Who Know Everything

Trust me, this is a good test. So many of the questions are tantalising. You should be able to get at least five, but you have to be a genius to get 10/12. Question (2) is especially tricky.

12 Tests - (Answers supplied when you have completed)

(1) There's one "sport" in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. What is it?

(2) What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

(3) Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables? (Biennials don't count.)

(4) Name the only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the team on defence, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball?

(5) What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

(6) In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

(7) Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw." They are all common. Name two of them.

(8) There are fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name half of them?

(9) Where are the lakes that are referred to in the "Los Angeles Lakers?"

(9a) For English readers, What is the Vale referred to in Vale Park.

(10) There are seven ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without getting a hit. Being designated a pinch-runner is one way. Name the other six.

(10a) For readers in cricket playing countries there are 10 ways of being out in Cricket. Hit the ball twice is one. Can you name the other 9.

(11) It's the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh. What is it?

(12) Name six (or more) things that you can wear on your feet that begin with the letter "S."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I could have been mean and said I'll tell you the answers tomorrow, but no, here they are: ~

1. Boxing. (Possibly Ice Skating)

2. Niagara Falls. The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

3. Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. Baseball.

5. Strawberry and cashew nut.

6. The pear grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the whole growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

7. Dwarf, dwell, and dwindle.

8. Period (full stop), comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

9. In Minnesota. The team was originally known as the Minneapolis Lakers and kept the name when they moved west.

9a. Port Vale Football club play at Vale Park.

10. Batter hit by a pitch; passed ball; catcher interference; catcher drops third strike; fielder's choice; and being 'Walked' by the pitcher.

10a Cricket: Bowled, Stumped, LBW, Run Out, Caught, Hit ball twice, Hit wicket, Handled ball, Obstructing the fielder, and the one everyone forgets - Out of time.

11. Lettuce.

12. Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, snowshoes, stockings.

Well, now you know! Feel any smarter?

Footnote: Actually, answer 11 is only true with the majority; Chinese cook it too, ever so lightly, then drip over some oyster sauce, delicious even without the sauce.

Tags:KnowledgeTest,Answers

Current Mood: Awake

Garden Of The Cherry Tree

It was the latest work of the great writer Anton Chejov, a real masterpiece. He was very ill when he wrote it, perhaps his most strange and abstract comedy. Like some of his previously stories, he centres on the lives of a group of people, not good ones nor bad, deep and complicated, shallow and ridiculous, each with his own reason. The title: 'The garden of the cherry trees'. It's been adapted to the theatre in Spain. For a couple of hours, the audience learned something of these character's yearnings, their egoism, indecision, blindness, misery and grandeur.There's a common factor: nobody listens, each seems lost in their own dreams. They don't know what they want, or don't want to know. Part of the action happened in what Chejov called; 'the room of the children', the old playroom of Lubov Andreievna and her brother Gaive. They have returned to the grand mansion of their infancy, now pursued by creditors. Lubov lives in a perpetual escape, to Paris, since the death of her little son, drown in the river. Gaive, with his tender and lunatic humour, also lives in his own fantasy world, plays billiard with neither table nor ball, like the ending in Blow Up. Then there is Lopajin, before a servant, now rather wealthy and eternal admirer of Ludov, is trying very hard to buy the garden of the cherry trees. The brother and sister wouldn't sell. They want everything to remain the same, but not capable of doing so. The room of the children is populated with short circuited desires, shaken by desperate frenzy and madness. They never stop moving about to go nowhere, joking with tears in their eyes, constantly organizing parties and games without real enthusiasm, They speak when they shouldn't, don't when they should; and all of them seem to love the wrong person. "Why do we do what we do?" is the basic question Chejov was asking. Of which Sam Mendes, at the front of the Bridge Project, a transatlantic company with English and American actors, has offered in the theatre here. With full house performance every night, thunderous applause, and considered by all critics unanimously as the best theatre production in recent years. Tags:garden,cherrytrees

Current Mood: Artistic