16th Dec 2011 Cynical Or Amusing Views On Men

• If you never want to see a man again, say, ‘I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children…’ – they leave skid marks.
• Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.
• Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.
• Men who don’t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands. I find that lovers seem to understand women almost perfectly.
• Man has will, but woman has her way.
• If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.
• When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
• Women don’t make fools of men; most of them are the “do-it-yourself” types.
• Men are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time … they’re gone.
• You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
• A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.
• Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.
• To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning but to a man it is the beginning of the end.
• To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
• Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. And they are both disappointed.
• A survey says 80% of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
• I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery.

 

Tags: men

Prev: 16th Dec 2011 Some Curious Thoughts & Philosophy On Marriage

16th Dec 2011 Some Curious Thoughts & Philosophy On Marriage

• I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
• After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
• Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
• The great question ... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?'
• There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
• I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
• By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
• My wife and I enjoy a little candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
• 'I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.'
• 'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
• 'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.'
• Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
  1). Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
  2). Whenever you're right, shut up.
• The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
• Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
• A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
• Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Tags: marriage, curiousphilosophy

Prev: 16th Dec 2011 Diets To Giggle About

16th Dec 2011 Diets To Giggle About

A Generous Diet ~

Needing to shed a few pounds, Robert, and his wife Jennifer, went on a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. They followed the instructions extremely closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for their individual portions. Robert and Jennifer felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful; they had never felt better, nor did they ever feel hungry.

As time progressed, Robert and Jennifer realized that they were, in fact, putting on weight and not losing it. They decided that they ought to check the detail of the recipes just one more time. It was then that they found their error. 

There, in small print, Robert and Jennifer saw, to their horror: 'Serves 6'.

Well Done? ~

Kevin was furious when his steak arrived cooked too rare.

'Waiter,' Kevin shouted, 'Didn't you hear me say 'well done'?'

'Of course I did, sir, I can't thank you enough, sir,' replied the waiter. 'I hardly ever get a compliment.'

Eating Out ~

Alex and Ann went to a restaurant for dinner. They scanned the menu, then promptly ordered two steaks. 

The waiter duly brought the steaks with fries and salad. Alex quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself 

Ann was decidedly unhappy about that, 'When are you going to learn to be polite, Alex?' she complained. 

Alex responded by asking, 'If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?' 

'The smaller piece, of course,' replied Ann.

'Then what are you whining about? The smaller piece is what you want, right?' Alex concluded.

My Ways and means of Dieting ~

** The best way to lose weight is by skipping ..... snacks and dessert.

** One guideline applies to fat and thin people alike: if you're thin, don't eat fast. If you're fat, don't eat - FAST.

** Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies ...

** Sleeping enough is important part of a good diet routine. The only time I'm not eating is when I'm sleeping.

** One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.

** The only exercise I get is jumping to conclusions.

Tags: dietgiggle

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