I
am in one of my strange moods, feeling listless & restless at the
same time, the two mental & physical contrary extremes.
To
given in to the listless state of mind & body, I suppose I can
just stay home, read a book, watch TV, send meaningless little messages
to people I don't particularly feel like talking to, but convention
says I should from time to time ..... Or I could go out, take a stroll
along the beach, have another coffee in my favourite haunt, browse so
many new windows of recently opened up new shops getting ready for the
tourist season, even though I don't need to buy anything ... But none
of these appealed.
Then
I thought maybe I should just write something in my Chinese file which
I call " My Random Thoughts ", in a way a bit similar to my daily Blog
but more intimate & in Chinese. No, I couldn't concentrate to
writing down anything there either. How can I when my mind seems to be
void of any thought at all, random or deliberate?
What
about clearing some of the accumulated housework? No way! I
immediately rejected that silly idea. I can't even do something I am
always interested in like writing, what made me come up with such absurd
idea that I could do something I hate most of all things?
When
I was not much more than a toddler, my father who doted on me &
always let me get away with murder, said often to my mother who was the
straight parent, that his daughter was going to be a lady, so no need
to learn to cook & clean, to sew or embroider, nor any of the house
chores, all of the things my mother insisted, without success, that I
should learn. My father won, & I loved him to bits. I loved my
mother too, when she was not scolding me for having done something
wrong which, according to her, I apparently did nearly everyday!
Far
too soon, they had both gone. The most inexplicable thing is, that I
miss my mother much, much more than my father, & for many, many
years kept wishing I had listened to Mama more & learned all those
things she wanted me to.
Maybe
that's why I am now a fairly good cook, & had diploma to say that I
can turn a piece of cloth into a garment. I had also knitted a few
sweaters, even a whole dress, with both sleeves the same length &
the neckline where it should be.
After lengthy & profound thought, I got it. I'll go & make myself another cup of coffee!
