Dancing Forbidden

** The confessions
Three friends were at the bar talking, and after many rounds of beer, one of them suggests that everyone admit something they have never admitted to anyone.

"Okay," says Peter, "I've never told anybody I'm gay!"
John confesses, "I'm having an affair with my boss's wife."
Moishe begins, "I don't know how to tell you guys ..."
"Don't be shy," said Peter and John.
"Well," says Moishe, "I can't keep secrets."

** The waiter

Benjamin and Morris are sitting in a wonderful Kosher restaurant in Hendon.
They are talking among themselves in Yiddish. A Chinese waiter comes up and in fluent and impeccable Yiddish asks them if everything is okay, can he get them anything, and so forth. Benjamin and Morris are dumbfounded.

"My God, where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?" they both think. After they pay the bill they ask the manager, an old friend of theirs, also fluent in Yiddish, "Where did your waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?"
The owner looks around and leans over to them so no one will hear and says, "Shhhh. He thinks we're teaching him English."

** Dancing not allowed
A couple, preparing for conversion, meet with the orthodox rabbi for their final session. The rabbi asks if they have any final questions. The man asks, "Is it true that men and women don't dance together?"
"Yes," says the rabbi, "For modesty reasons, men and women dance separately."
"So I can't dance with my own wife?"
"No."
"Well, okay," says the man, "but what about sex?"
"That’s fine," says the rabbi. "It’s a mitzvah within the marriage!"
"What about different positions?" the man asks.
"No problem," says the rabbi.
"Woman on top?" the man asks.
"Why not?" replies the rabbi.
"Well, what about standing up?"
"NO, CERTAINLY NOT!" says the rabbi. "That could lead to dancing!"

Tags:dancing,waiter,secret

• Current Mood: Amused

TV And The Red Herring

Doesn't look like I would get much if anything at all done tonight, except to glue myself to the TV set, switching channels, and programme hopping. Most nights for far too long now there have been nothing worth spending more than 10 minute on. For a huge surprise, the silly programmers, lacking consideration for me, had put all the great oldies all in one night, at more or less the same time slot!! And here I am, have always denied to be a film addict! Until something real worthwhile crops up. Never counted on so many good films in one single evening though.

Okay, I have seen all of them before. But I am faithful and loyal to whatever, or whoever, I consider good. If they were good and wonderful to me however long ago, then they are still so today. Those on tonight are: 'When Harry met Sally' - remember the restaurant scene where Sally (Meg Ryan) faked an orgasm screaming her head off, and an old lady who just walked in and witnessed this amazing display of climax in public, said to the waitress who came to take her order: "I'll have whatever she just had!"? Priceless. A classic now and a reference.

Then there are 'Fascination', a 1976 Hitchcock film with Cliff Robertson, Genevieve. 'Bandits' with Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton and Cate Blanchett. 'Donnie Darko (2001) with Jack Gyllenahaal and Maggie Gullenhaal ... Any family relation between them?), and a couple more, all starting within half an hour's or so difference. Oh, there is also 'The memory of a Geisha', not particularly as good as it could be was how I thought when I saw it quite some time ago, but wouldn't mind catching a few glances of it again to confirm my first impression.

Before you shake your head and jeer that I am such an idiot without resorting to watching one and recording another, or use advanced programming; I have to confess that I do not have such facility any more. When the recorder broke beyond repair, it was never replaced. At the time I thought all TV channels had conspired to a mutual agreement of never to put on any good and worthwhile programmes ever again. Besides, I don't know how to manipulate the multi-function machines!!!

Just as well I am used to doing more than one thing at the same time, like my habit of working on my computer while keeping an eye, literally, one eye, on the TV screen. Most of the time I even manage to follow a whole intriguing story like a thriller or detectives surrounded by red herrings. Can they be grey I wonder? And, why herrings? I know some trouts are red, they are called rainbow trout.

Tags:TV,Herrings,Trout

• Current Mood: Awake