A Serious Chat With Mum

** Phone chat with Mum Rita sprang to answer the telephone. "Darling, How are you? This is Mummy." "Oh Mummy," Rita said crying, "I'm having a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine won't work. I've sprained my ankle and I'm hobbling around. On top of all this, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have the Jones and the Smiths for dinner tonight. I haven't even had a chance to go shopping." The voice on the other end said in sympathy, "Darling, let Mummy handle it. Sit down, relax and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, tidy up the house and cook your dinner. I'll feed the baby and I'll call an engineer I know who'll fix your washing machine. Now stop crying. I'll even call your husband David at the office and tell him he should come home to help out for once." "David?" said Rita. "Who's David?" "Why, David, your husband! ... Is this 0208 123 3749?" "No, this is 0208 123 3747." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I dialled the wrong number." There was a short pause, then Rita said, "Does this mean you're not coming over to help?" ** Q. and A. Q. What does a woman do to keep her hands soft and her nails so long and beautiful? A. Nothing, nothing at all. Q. Did you say you were going with the idea of natural childbirth? A. Yes. No make up whatsoever. Tags:mum,chat

Current Mood: Amused

The Lighter Side Of Politics

"Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance." - HL Mencken [Journalist and satirist]

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"In democracy everyone has the right to be represented, even the jerks." - Chris Patten [Former UK MP and Governor of Hong-Kong]

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"Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the National Debt." - Herbert Hoover [President USA 1929-1933]

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"You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks." - Robin Williams [Comedian and actor]

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." - Marion Barry [Mayor Washington, DC]

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"Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift" ... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git." - Alexei Sayle [British comedian. actor and author]

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"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts." - Will Rogers [Comedian, social commentator, vaudeville actor]

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"The House of Commons is the longest running farce in the West End." - Cyril Smith [Former UK MP]

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"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls." - George W Bush [Ex

President USA]

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"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" - George W Bush [Ex President USA]

Tag:Politics

Current Mood: Amused

You Are Fine Doctor, But How Am I?

The question is: what do we look for, hope for, or expect from our family doctor? I used to have a fantastic one, Doctor Lee, when I was living in Hong Kong. He always received me with a sympathetic and warm smile, that made me immediately feel better already before I even sat down. Even though he hadn't seen me for months, he had remembered, without checking my record, what my problem was the previous time, and solicitously inquired if whatever it was had cleared up totally. By then It felt there's perhaps nothing wrong with me this time after all. He just seemed to have this magic to make you feel safe and well cared for.

To Doctor Lee it's as if there's no illness or disease, just little health disorder and he'd take care of it. After he made you feel your were friends, he began to talk to you like a friend & listened to you attentively without once checking his watch, and never made me feel I have taken up too much of his time, or had asked too many questions, nor the kind of look some doctors give you (with intention, I suspect), to make you wish to apologise for being alive, or need to be grateful he agreed to see you, & you should thank him just for that favour.

I had since changed abode several times in as many countries. Never had I come across another doctor I feel half as comfortable with and wholeheartedly trust. Many of them are good and competent doctors, at least according to their credentials which pronounce so in neat frames all over the wall behind the consulting table. But in their
presence, I am inadequate even as a patient, not able to convey exactly what my sickness is (I usually hope they would tell me) and therefore I should be apologetic, and grateful that he hadn't exactly told me off.

Too many doctors are Doctor House of the TV screen, brilliant, arrogant & insufferable; I am glad he is but a fictional character. How I wish there were more Doctor Lee's.

Tags:patient,doctor

Current Mood: Blah

Helpful Rules For Lovers Of Chocolate

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A. Because no one wants to quit.

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

Pass these rules on to all your friends who love chocolate;
I think we chocolate lovers
should stick together!

Tags:chocolate

• Current Mood: Amused