22nd Dec 2011 A Theory Worth Noting

This is a theory that retorts the one that says alcohol is harmful.

Well you see, it's like this ... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and the weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

I don't drink beer, just red wine and Champagne. I guess I should benefit the same way. I wonder whether increasing my self imposed ration of one glass of wine with a meal to 2 glasses would make me doubly smart?
 

Tags: buffalos, beer

Prev: 22nd Dec 2011 A Friendly Poke At The Irish

22nd Dec 2011 A Friendly Poke At The Irish

Irish Jokes ~
** The Irish attempt on Mount Everest was a valiant effort, but it failed: They ran out of scaffolding.

** Big Rock

An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.

The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.

"It was in honour of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled."I gave you a sham rock."

 

** How to Gain Admittance to the Olympics

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal.

While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, "Johnson, the pole vault." He was admitted.

The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, "McTavish, the hammer." He was also admitted.

The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, "O'Sullivan, fencing."

** Judgement

The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of twenty Euros costs.

"Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go.

"I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man.

"And why not?".

"Because I'm the barman at your regular pub."

** Irish Doctor's diagnosis

The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, O'Flaherty. I think it must be the drink."

"Don't worry about it Dr Cullen, I'll come back when you're sober." said O'Flaherty.

 

Tags: irishjokes

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