7th Sept 2011 Giggles - The Merry Widow

An old couple have been married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbours: "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave, to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.

He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbours approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? That this man who practised black magic had stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to haunt you for the rest of your life?

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the jerk dig. I had him buried upside down."

Tags: merrywidow

Prev: 7th Sept 2011 More Interesting Tip-Bits On China

7th Sept 2011 Interesting Tip-Bits On China

Did You Know About These Tip-Bits Too About China?

1. The world's largest producer of apples is China.
2. The Chinese never give apples to invalids because "ping", the Chinese for apple, sounds a bit like "bing", which is Chinese for illness.
3. 14 countries share a border with China and they are Vietnam, Laos, Myanmar, Bhutan, Nepal, India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Mongolia, Russia and North Korea
4. In ancient China, mouse meat was considered a delicacy, now, a favourite food of most Chinese is sun-dried maggots.
5. In China, there is a type of tea called white tea which is actually simply boiled water.
6. 24% of the world speaks Chinese. There are over 200 different Chinese languages and regional dialects. The official state language is Pu-tong-hwa [Mandarin].
7. China manufactures 60% of the world's bicycles.
8. People of ancient China believed that swinging your arms could cure a headache.
9. According to economists, China will become the world's wealthiest nation by the year 2012.
10. Fingerprinting was used in China as early as 700 AD.

One more for luck: 20% of China's plants are used in medicine; and they work.

Tags: tipbits, china

Prev: 7th Sept 2011 Giggles On Cars

7th Sept 2011 Giggles On Cars

** Stop or Slow Down

One night Rodney was driving home along a road he knew well. When he reached the Stop sign he slowed down but did not actually come to a halt, whereupon a police officer pulled Rodney's car over.

'What difference does it make' said Rodney, 'slow down or stop'.

'I will give you a demonstration' said the officer and starting beating Rodney with his truncheon.

'Now would you like me to slow down - or stop?

** Patrol Officer Meets His Match

A patrol officer pulled over Enid for speeding. Enid was a 65 year old lady from out of state.

The officer asked to see her license.

'Don't have one' Enid said.

'Can I please see the Vehicle registration' the officer asked firmly but politely.

'Nope' snapped Enid.

In that case I will have to take you into the Police station and charge you there. When they arrived they arresting officer said, to the duty sergeant. This lady has no license and no vehicle registration.

'Sure I do' said Enid sweetly. This officer has got in for me, the next thing is he will be saying that I was speeding.

** The Old Ones are The Best - Or the Worst?

Drive on....Classic Car Joke

A group of pensioners were discussing their medical problems at the Day Centre coffee morning.

'Do you realise,' said one, 'My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup.'

'Yes, I know.' replied the second, 'My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee.'

'I can't turn my head,' rejoined the third, 'because of the arthritis in my neck.'

'My blood pressure pills make my dizzy,' commented the fourth, adding, 'I guess that's the price we pay for getting old.'

'Well, it's not all bad.' piped up the first, 'We should be thankful that we can still drive.'

Tags: carjokes

Prev: 7th Sept 2011 - Just When You Thought All Good Ideas Were Taken ...

7th Sept 2011 Just When You Thought All Good Ideas Were Taken ...