Technology For Country Folks

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Adam And Eve

** Adam and Eve
One day, God and Adam were walking in the Garden of Eden.
God told Adam that it was time to populate the world. "Adam", he said, "you can start by kissing Eve".
"What’s a kiss?", asked Adam.
God explained and then Adam took Eve behind a bush and kissed her.
Adam returned with a big smile on his face and said, "Lord, that was great! What’s next?".
"Now you must caress Eve".
"What’s caress?", asked Adam.
God explained and then Adam took Eve behind a bush and lovingly caressed her.
Adam returned with a bigger smile and said, "Lord, that was even better than a kiss! What’s next?".
"Here is what gets the deed done. Now I want you to make love to Eve".
"What is make love?", asked Adam.
God explained and then Adam took Eve behind the bush.
A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, "Lord, what is a headache?".

** Loving husband

Leah had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months.
Yet Tony, her husband, had stayed by her bedside every single day. One day, when Leah came to, she motioned for Tony to come nearer. As he sat by her, she whispered, eyes full of tears,
"You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times...
When I got fired from my secretary’s job, you were there to support me.
When my first hairdressing business failed, you were there.
When I got knocked down by a car, you were by my side.
When we lost our dear Jonathan, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side...
You know what?"
"What dear?" Tony gently asked, smiling as his heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you bring me bad luck."

Tags:Adam,Eve,Husband

• Current Mood: Amused

Seen Behind The Scene

It's privilege of a very few, being able to bypass all barriers, formality and security, and get right into the midst of all the mystery and intrigues of a film studio, wander around into major stars' private dressing rooms, film sets, and even onto the actual shooting of a picture, recording with your camera whoever and whatever you wish. Rubbing shoulders with the genius and not so genius who make possible miracles on screens. Mary Ellen Mark has been doing just that, for nearly half a century.

The famous American photographer remembered her very first time in that wonderland that's Hollywood, in 1960. With her camera and a little note book; no other equipment or tools of trade is necessary. She captures scenes behind the scenes meant for publication or for cinemas, the drama behind the drama, the tears of a star right before or after her smiling face was caught by the official cameras for a film. She goes in and out of dressing rooms and studio canteens, recording real life's ups and downs behind the make belief emotions dictated by scripts and by order of the director. All that is now collected in a big volume titled: 'Seen behind the scene' (edited in Phaidon Press and available in Spanish book-stores).

It's logical. She became a photographer because she was in love with seeing ever changing emotions and sensations frozen in images. The book also serves, involuntarily, as a record of the film history in more modern times from the 60's onwards. From Satyricon to Tootsie. From Gandhi to Showgirls, Moulin Rouge to Babel. As well as the changes registered in the film industry during the past 50 years. The book has also been dotted with her many observations, like: directors today do not always sit on the set, but in front of their monitors away from the shooting. That actors in modern days have put distance between themselves and any 'intruders', they are now guarded or protected by publicists, agents, bodyguards, secretaries and timetables .... all constituted to authentic walls.

Apart from the 250 photos, It includes texts of words of many stars telling their experiences behind the scene, the wait, the nerves, the worry, the rehearsing, the preparation, the cultivation of emotions to get into the skin of a stranger ... and the sparks of magic of the shooting. There are impressions and conversation, remarks and opinions of other personalities closely connected with the studios or the stars, the work team, and visiting friends.

It's not just in the film art that Mark has become famous. Back in 1981, she published under the title: 'Falkan Road' her photographs and text of the brothels of Bombay, life in the circus and camps of the Gipsies. Her images are always true, humane and compassionate especially to the poor and unfortunate; strong contrast and counterviews from the sophistication of Hollywood.

Francis Ford Coppola directing 'Apocalypse Now' and Patrick Swayze in drag.

Tags:Book,Brothel,Hollywood

• Current Mood: Accomplished

The Engagement & The Dog

** The engagement Ruth and Golda were walking along and talking. Ruth says: "My son Irving is getting married. He tells me he is engaged to a wonderful girl, but ... he thinks she may have a disease called herpes." "Do you have any idea what this herpes is, and can he catch it?" says Golda. "No, but I am just so thrilled to hear about Irving's engagement - it's time he settled down" Ruth replies, "As far as the herpes goes... who knows?" "Well," says Golda, "I have a very good medical dictionary at home. I'll look it up and call you." So Golda goes home, looks it up, and calls Ruth. "Ruth, I found it. Not to worry. It says herpes is a disease of the gentiles." ** The dog Rivkah, a little old lady get on an El Al flight to Israel. She's carrying a bag, a purse and a little dog in a box. She sits down and puts the box on the seat next to her. A stewardess approaches Rivkah and says, "I'm sorry Madam, but you can't keep the dog here. I'll have to take it and put it in baggage." Rivkah agrees. What else can she do? During the flight, the stewardess looks in on the little dog, and Oy Gevult, the dog is dead. She informs the pilot, who notifies Tel Aviv airport, who tells the director, who decides that they will get another dog to replace this one. The little old lady will never know. When the plane lands and Rivkah goes to the baggage hall to claim her box, they bring her a box with a new dog, an exact replica of her old dog. "This is not my dog", Rivkah exclaims. "Why yes it is," the captain tells her. "See, it has the same markings." "This is not my dog", Rivkah insists. "How do you know this isn't your dog?" asks the captain. "My dog is dead!"

Tags:Engagement,Dog

• Current Mood: Amused

Easy Virtue

Noel Coward is one of the authors and playwrights I most admire. He had great sense of humour, often bordering on sarcasm, contained and usually justified. He showed with great insight of human nature manifested in his creation of colourful characters, and always armed with the wittiest dialogue. Even his tragedies could seem funny, and his comedies were hilariously convincing and simply delightful and delicious.

One of his many legendary work was 'Easy Virtue' which, as early as in 1927, the era of the silent films, was already adapted by Hitchcock, 2 years after the play was premièred. Now once more, It's taken up by the Australian director Stephen Elliott, this time with the title 'A classy family'. A title quit befitting Coward, with his outrageously aristocratic air, mannerism and speech, often laced with wicked humour and double edged observations. Without conscious about it, I often read or watch his work and immediately think of Oscar Wilde or vice versa.

Stephen Elliott changed the chronological order, and starts the film with the arrival at the Victorian family mansion of the young master and heir (Ben Barnes), with his new bride
(Jessica Biel), American and divorcee with a questionable past.

The imposing mother (Kristin Scott Thomas), matriarch of the respectable dynasty, possessive and elitist, at once dedicated herself to make life impossible for the intruder, a foreigner at that, who would add blemishes to the impeccable honour and reputation of the classy family. "Any piece of furniture in this house is older than your country." she would say to her daughter-in-law.

Colin Firth plays the master of the mansion, a position in name only, barely tolerated by his tyrannous wife, and the only one truly welcomes the daughter-in-law, to him like a breath of fresh air into the long been suffocating home.

Coward's vitriolic dissection of the British aristocracy in the Victorian era was vivid and cutting in the book, baring the hypocrisy of a society, decadent and perverse. Another 'must-see' in my long list of see again films.

Tags: coward, easyvirtue

• Current Mood: Artistic

Blessings, Toasts, Giggles

** Celtic Blessings

May the road rise up to meet you

May the wind be always at your back

May the sun shine down upon your face.

And the rain fall soft upon your fields

Until we meet again

May God hold you in the hollow of his hand

** Irish Drinking Toast

May your glass be ever full.

May the roof over your head be always strong.

And may you be in heaven

half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

** Alternative Toast:

Here's to our wives and girlfriends:

May they never meet!

** Irish Explanation

Siobhan followed her husband to the public house, "How can you come here," she said,

taking a sip of his pint of Guinness, "and drink that awful stuff?"

"Now!" he cried, "And you always thought I was out enjoying myself."

 

Tags:Blessing,Toast

• Current Mood: Chipper