Church, Prayer, Arthritis

The Bar & The Church ~

In a small Texas town, the owner of Drummond's Bar began construction on a new building to increase his business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up till the week before opening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.

The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork. At the hearing he commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not."

A Nasty Case Of Arthritis ~

A man flops down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie is stained, his face is smeared with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin is sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opens a newspaper and begins reading.

After a few minutes the guy turns to the priest and asks, 'Say, Father, what causes arthritis?'

'Loose living; cheap, wicked woman; too much alcohol; and contempt for your fellow man' answers the priest.'

'I'll be damned,' the drunk mutters, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he said, nudges the man and apologises.

'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to be so harsh. How long have you had arthritis?'

'Oh, I don't have it, Father. But it says here that the Pope does.'

Tags:Church,Prayer,Arthritis

Current Mood: Amused

Religious Vacation

Two Priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their tourist garb.

They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop dead gorgeous topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them, she smiled and nodding and addressing each of them individually said,

"Good Morning, Father. Good Morning, Father." She then passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?

So next day they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them. Once again, in their new attire, they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a while, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a string bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them and said,

"Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father," and started to walk away.

One of the Priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, "Just a minute, young lady."

"Yes, Father?" she said.

"We are Priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are Priests, dressed as we are?"

"Father, it's me, Sister Katherine," she replied.

Tags:sister,priest

Current Mood: Amused

Parmentier, Alias Potato

Very rarely such a commonly known name has proffered such a lot of benefit and created so much approval and consensus. The humble potato is instantly 'upgraded' when people began to call it Parmentier; the origin of which goes back to the 18th century, through the ingenious marketing of an individual living in that period of convulsion in France.

Antoine Augustin Parmentier was a chemist in the military, a specialist in agronomy and an enthusiastic inventor. Observing the precarious situation of alimentation in the neighbouring countries, especially after a period of drought and hunger, he studied hard and promoted the massive cultivation, and consumption, of the potato. At that time, this humble root was considered mainly animal feed, and for those in extreme poverty and neediness to use it as food, in pure desperation.

He came up with a real ingenious strategy: planted immense fields and fields of potatoes all round Paris. He then ostentatiously and ceremoniously put soldiers during the day to safeguard them, but by night stealthily 'propitiating' regular 'robberies' of the potatoes. Gradually, the hungry court of the Luis XVI started seizing this ready and plentiful food too, even on the royal table of Versalles later included this in their more sumptuous menus.

His name is thus always associated with recipes where potatoes are present. Not as simple puree as it is now, but mixing with meat like in a stew, as part of the fillings in a pie, as a topping, or accompanying meat, poultry or fish. Over the century countless ways have been developed to expand it's use, it being so versatile and never intrusive.

This makes it quite strange to see that the puree of potato, simply with some butter added, has monopolized the honour of the denomination 'Parmentier' on the modern day gourmet menu cards. In Spain, it is olive oil, virgin olive oil preferably, not butter, which is deem appropriate with any food considered to be superior.

Tags:parmentier,potato

Current Mood: Accomplished

He Said, She Said, They Said ...

Male & female versions of the English dictionary ~

** THINGY **

Any part under a car's bonnet (F)
The strap fastener on a woman's bra (M)

** VULNERABLE **
Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another (F)
Playing cricket without a cup (M)

** COMMUNICATION **

The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner (F)
Leaving a note before taking off on a poker evening with the boys (M)

** COMMITMENT **

A desire to get married and raise a family (F)
Trying not to talk to other women while out with this one (M)

** ENTERTAINMENT **

**A good movie, concert, play or book (F)
Anything that can be done while drinking beer (M)

** FLATULENCE **

An embarrassing by-product of indigestion (F)
A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding (M)

** LOVE MAKING **

The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve (F)
Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it (M)

Science exam answers ~
These are real answers given by children.

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby

 

Tags:dictionary,exam

Current Mood: Amused

Late Night Entertainment

The legend says that there was a time in Spain, when a squirrel (Roman, to be more precise) could run across the Peninsula from the north to the south jumping from one tree to another without ever touching ground.

The nostalgic locals also say that there had been a time, rather remote now to most to remember, that in this country when the TV viewers could count on each day if they so wished, real classy and classic films of the bygone days without ever leaving the house, every late night on Channel 2. The authentic cinematographic gems local and foreign, covering the full range of categories. Those that were only shown, and many had won prizes in film festivals internationally, then somehow never got to be distributed (great shame). All were emitted in their original version, with subtitles (to me, so much better than dubbed), mostly also uncensored (delightful), in black & white, or in coloured copies reasonably acceptable. So that audience needn't be limited only to what Hollywood or the TV channel directives threw at them.

This custom is unfortunately changed for the worse, as half the programming are taken up by so called 'reality' trash. To see the other half, the films I am interested in, I have to not only stay up late, but suffer interruptions by the rubbish, which is nearly & inevitably always inserted in the middle. For instance, a film would be split in two parts, with the trashy reality show stuck in the middle.

The biggest problem, for foreigners like myself living here, is that, like any kind of other entertainment, practically nothing is ever offered before midnight. Cinemas starts their evening hours from 11pm or thereabouts, theatres and concerts too. Discotheques even later, about 1 am and don't finish till 5 or 6 in the morning! It's logical for the Spaniards, as they have all meals late. I still remember how surprised I was when I first got invitations to dinner by Spanish friends usually meant I needed to take my normal dinner at home first, then attend their's starting at 10,30 'For' 11.30; Very civil allowing a whole hour for drinks but punishment for the stomach!! I am used to the late meals now, but not after midnight movies.

Why anything good and fun has to be done so late at night beats me. Yet the Spanish are early risers. Schools, offices, banks, post offices, shops, cafes ... all open up at 8 am. The cafe I used to go starts the morning trade at 5 am; I am talking about in Catalunya. In the rest of Spain,
Madrid for instance, everything starts at least an hour later than here. So dinner is really for me a mid night fare. No complaints here, I love to eat, at any hour, but I wish the good films would show at a decent hour so I don't have to miss them all.

The following photo has nothing whatever to do with this Blog; I just like it very much. Reminds me how small and insignificant I am, and therefore so are my problems.

Tags:squirrel,tvfilm

• Current Mood: Contemplative