Through
my childhood, even further back than that, when I was a baby, barely
old enough to understand what was said to me, began to know fear, and
what was supposed to be good or bad behaviour, 'Au-Wu' had been there
with me. Even into my early teens.
Au-Wu was first introduced to me by my mother. I don't think my father ever mentioned or talked about him. But some visitors and neighbours, seemed to me to know all about Au-Wu. When my mother or I mentioned him in a conversation, they would nod or smiled with understanding, assuring me with his possible and unexpected presence whenever I said or did anything bad. At that age, all the things I did were instinctive or by desire, nothing, surely, was bad!!
I am not sure how to describe Au-Wu to you. I use "he" only because I need a pronoun for him, or I would have to repeat saying Au-Wu many times. It's not even his name, more of a description of what he is - like teacher, carpenter instead of John or Harry. That means I should tell you WHAT he is, if not WHO, before you know what I am on about, right?
Well, I can't. Not really or coherently. He has no form, shape, likeness, colour, smell ... not any kind of image. He is simply a being. As God is for love and guidance, Au-Wu is for punishment of misbehaving children. 'Au-Wu' is merely phonetic, there are no such words in the Chinese dictionary. Most Chinese know about him though, especially those from the south. He might be in the northern parts too. Parents would bring him up to discipline their children. Mostly to warn them, before they think the little ones are going to be very naughty. Or, after they have been, to prevent them from doing it again. " If you don't behave, Au-Wu would come and get you!! "
Guess I was lucky, he had never managed to 'get' me! In fact, curiously, instead of fear, I used to lie in bed with my eyes half closed, hoping to catch a glimpse of Au-Wu, just to know what he looked like, on the nights when I reckoned I had been wicked or naughty (only according to adult's opinions). In time, I began to look upon him almost as a friend. A friend true and caring enough to stop me from making a fool of myself or being bad.
When one leaves childhood and into teen years, Au-Wu usually takes himself off permanently. You are supposed to be old enough to know what's right and wrong, and able to check your own behaviour, even intentions, conduct yourself correctly and let common sense take over the vigilance.
I talk about Au-Wu today because for me, he has not gone away all together. No more a child, but I think of him often, and for no particular reason. Not always before I was going to be mischievous, nor after I have been. He would simply pop up now and then, here and there. Of course I have never seen him, but I feel him being close.
Inexplicably he seems to have become part of me. He is, I guess you might say, my conscience??
Tags:Au-Wu,Conscience
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