The Original Computer For Over 18's Only

The original computer!!!! This made me laugh out loud... (try explaining this to your grand-kids!) Memory was something you lost with age An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano A web was a spider's home A virus was the flu A CD was a bank account A hard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And if you had a 3.5 inch floppy. You just hoped nobody ever found out!?!

Tag: OriginalComputer

• Current Mood: amused

Done To A Turn - The Olive Oil Murder

A British chef, Anthony Morley, appeared in the Tribunal Court in London to answer the charge of homicide. Apparently he had killed his one night stand lover, cut off his thigh, then proceeded to season it and fried it in olive oil. The English are not cannibals thank God, but there had been isolated cases that make you think of cannibalism. A similar case occurred in Germany too only a few years ago. This news presented 2 interesting details. The first is seeing how all the newspapers carried titles that say the flesh cut off the lover is then fried in olive oil. They could have said, simply, that it was fried. Or it was fried in oil. But no. All very specifically mentioned olive oil. Up to a few decades before, to the Anglo-Saxon, frying meat in butter would have been more the norm. Before the medical experts decided in the 70's that the Mediterranean diet was the healthiest in the world, in New York for instance, olive oil was used mainly by immigrants from Europe, the Italians mostly. But in the 80's olive oil started to appear in all food stores, with or without connotation with the Italians. Even a bit later in London. Anyway, it seems to be important enough for all the press and radios reporting this gruesome murder punctuating it with olive oil is almost comical. Nobody gave any detail of how he seasoned it, with salt and pepper just? With a sauce? Gravy? Mustard? Chutney? No mention of any of that, all emphasising the olive oil. Even the bit about the title Mr. Gay he won some years ago came after, in the article not the title. The assassin and the assassinated met in a bar in the centre of London. They had lots to drink and ended up in the house of the chef. According to 'The Times', the next morning the chef ran out of his house with his face and hands covered with blood, and went into a shop asking the keeper to call the police (couldn't he have done that himself at home?), that he had killed a man who tried to rape him. Then came the excuse too obviously ridiculous. That being the case, you usually defend yourself the best you could, including you might kill the attacker during the defence, but to calmly cut off the guy's thigh and fried it up for supper before going out to claim you have been attacked? Tags:oliveoil,murder

• Current Mood: blah

Katie Brand Big Ass Show

Even if you don't have much contact with England, and hardly familiar with British TV programmes, chances are you would have seen or at least heard of Katie Brand. Just can't avoid all sorts of news of her these days, or with her somehow involved. Mainly through her notorious 'Katie Brand Big Ass Show'. Beats me why the 'big ass' part had to be included but then, from that, one can guess, no doubt correctly, that it's no cultural or literary entertainment. The kind of show generally termed 'common as muck', nevertheless enormously popular and supposedly very funny. I have to admit my curiosity to find out whether it's just vulgar and provoking, or intentionally so, created with high intelligence and definite hidden messages to deliver.

At 18, Katie wanted to be Vicar in a prison, for which she studied theology. Until one day she suddenly said to herself: "Wait a minute, everybody else is enjoying life more than I do!" She completed and licensed in her study anyway. Perhaps that had helped her to create The Bride of Jesus, the most memorable comic show, now with the name toned down to 'The show of Katie Brand'. That roll had catapulted her to one of the most prominent names in the entertainment field in Britain. 'The sketches of the bride of Jesus' had also raised wars of controversy for the channel emitting it, and their lawyers have to work very hard to revise every episode to avoid causing fury of the Christians.

"Can't understand what is so bad about Jesus, returning from 40 days and nights in the desert, to find his bride in bed with Mateo, Marcos, Lucas and Juan. Okay, if it was Jesus ... but the Bible says nothing about the apostles couldn't have sex. For God's sake, they were humans"

Not even her caricature of the Queen Elizabeth of England talking like a ganster had caused more uproar. At aged 29. Katie Brand had converted to be the whiplash of celebrities of films, music and the tabloids. Her 2 favourite characters are: Kate Winslet (for her obsession of appearing normal - making movies since the age of 13, you can't be normal! She said.), and Angelina Jolie. She confessed that she would give anything to spy on her through a keyhole.

"It must be exhausting to live with her. I can imagine Brit Pitt wanting to spend a quiet evening and Angelina says 'let's do it on the floor, with knives. No? Let's go to Rio de Janeiro, right now.' And he, 'Oh, Angelina, I just want to order Chinese and see a film (laughing) I also imagine their friends: 'Do we really have to invite Angelina? She will sure try to do something sexy or savage.' In her sketches, Jolie of the jungle lives in bamboo cabin and Brat Pitt behaves like a monkey.

She did the film 'Good Arrow', playing the girlfriend of a professional dart player. A common type painted like a door with mini-skirt too short to be decent. 'Very, very me ...' she burst out laughing.

Tags: katybrand,jolie,pitt

• Current Mood: artistic

Promises Of Friendship

Let me tell you what I think true friendship is - none of that sissy crap! Aren't you tired of those 'friendship' poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cute little smiley faces on this card - Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. When you smile - I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in. When you are scared - I will rag you about it every chance I get until you're Not. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining. When you are confused - I will try to use only little words. When you are sick - stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have. When you fall - I will laugh at your clumsy ass but I'll help you up. This is my oath ... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask: "because you are my friend." Friendship is like peeing in your pants; everyone can see it, but only you can feel the truth warmth. Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 3. And I envy you. Having 3 real, true and closest friends makes you one of the luckiest person in my book. Ta Tags:Promise,Friendship,Envy

• Current Mood: artistic