While
New York converted to unmanned trains in 1962, the London Underground
has maintained its drivers. Some say that passenger's would not trust
the driver-less trains, others say it is pressure from the unions. Yet
other cynics say that the trains are actually automatic, and the drivers
are just there to re-assure the passengers. This theory is borne out by
some of these tannoy messages allegedly spoken by London underground
drivers.
1) What do the Drivers Know?
*
This train will NOT be stopping at Moorgate station. I repeat, this
train will NOT stop at Moorgate"…………, "Ladies and gentlemen...this train
IS stopping at Moorgate, and of course I'm the last to know"
2) No Begging
*
"Please note that begging is not permitted in any part of London
Underground. However, to the gentleman busking away happily next to the
escalators, please carry on and enjoy yourself. The transport police
have been called and should be with you shortly..."
*
"Beggars are operating on this train, please do NOT encourage these
professional beggars, if you have any spare change, please give it to a
registered charity, failing that, give it to me!"
3) Zany London Tube Drivers add Spice to the Journey
*
"We are taking the scenic route to Barking on the District Line. We
will be stopping at all stations to Barking with the exception of Cannon
Street. This train does not stop there on Saturdays due to ....(PAUSE)
...total lack of interest."
* "This is Paddington Station. Please leave your valuables on the train and I will collect them at the end of my shift."
*
"Hello this is the captain of your Uxbridge train speaking, and we will
be departing shortly. Please note that we will be cruising at an
altitude of approximately zero feet, and our scheduled arrival time in
Uxbridge is 11:15pm. The temperature in Uxbridge is a cool 10 degrees
Celsius, and Uxbridge is in the same time zone as Aldgate, so there's no
need to adjust your watches."
*
"May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed
on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint it
is only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage".
4) Drivers out of Control?
*
"To the gentleman wearing the pin-striped suit trying to get in to the
third carriage, what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you
understand?"
*
"Covent Garden has been closed due overcrowding. Please alight at
Leicester Square and wander around aimlessly with your huge rucksacks
until you get to your destination. You never know, they might install
escalators one day!"
* "Would the lady going down the escalator please lower her umbrella, it doesn't rain underground."
*
"Please let the passengers off the train"……… "Please let the passengers
off the train first"………. "PLEASE let the passengers off the train
first"…….. "let the passengers off the train FIRST!"…... "Go on then,
stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care, I'm going home."
Footnote:
The
world's first ungrounded train opened on January 10th 1863. It was a
Metropolitan line stretch between Paddington and Farrington.
Tags:trains,announcements
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