2nd April 2012 Doctor's Logic & Humour

Mechanic v Doctor ~

Allan, a mechanic, was removing a cylinder head from a Harley-Davidson motorbike, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his garage. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike. 

Allan shouted across the garage, 'Hey Doc can I ask you a question?' The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to Allan. Allan straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, 'So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open hearts, take valves out, fix'em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I work for a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?'

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and whispered in Allan's ear, 'Try doing it with the engine running.'

Long and Short of the Problem ~

Adam, an elderly man was seated in the doctor's waiting room. When he was called in to see the doctor, Adam slowly got up, and, grasping his cane and hunching over, slowly made his way into the examining room. 

After only a few minutes, Adam emerged from the room, walking completely upright. Paul, another patient who had watched him hobble into the room all hunched over, stared in amazement. 'That must be a miracle doctor in there.' he exclaimed. 'What treatment did he give you? What's his secret?' 

Adam stared at Paul and said, 'Well, the doctor looked me up and down, analysed the situation, and gave me a cane that was four inches longer than the one I had been using.'

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2nd April 2012 A Smile For Monday

Just some short stories to cheer you on ...

 

1) Wrong Train

A man decided to visit his sister who was living in France. He assumed that most French would speak English, but found many spoke only their own language and this included the ticket inspector on the train, who punched his ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making several expansive gestures. The man simply nodded from time to time to show him that he was interested.

When he ticket inspector had gone, an American tourist on the train, leaned forward and asked the man if he spoke French.

"No," the man admitted.

"Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train."

2) Pinot Wines

There are many "pinot" wines on the market these days: Pinot Noir, Pinot Blanc and Pinot Grigio are but a few.

There is also marketing research on a product for senior citizens from a new hybrid grape that acts as a diuretic and will reduce the number of trips an older person has to make to the bathroom during the night.

They will be marketing the new wine as .... Pinot More!

3) Right Neighbourly

Archie, a successful business man becomes fed up with all the stress of big city life and decides to chuck it all. He takes his savings and buys a large ranch in the middle of the outback, just north of Barossa Valley in South Australia.

After a couple of months of enjoying the quietness and solitude he hears the drumming of hoofs outside his home. Seizing his rifle he challenges the man riding up on the horse, "G’day neighbour, hold it right there.”

The rider says, "I'm your neighbour, I have a ranch only 20 miles from here, and I want to invite you to a Welcome Party I'm throwing for you next Saturday. There's going to be music, dancing, hugging, kissing, drinking, fighting ... we'll have a great time."

Not wanting to be unfriendly the new rancher lowers the rifle and asks, "How should I dress?"

"Blimey, mate, it don't matter," replied the neighbour, "There’s only gonna be the two of us."

4) The Cadge

Every time, Peter, the man next door headed toward Paul's house, Paul knew he was coming to borrow something, he was always doing so and it was driving him nuts.

"Peter won't get away with it this time," muttered Paul to his wife, "Watch this."

"Er, I wonder if you'd be using your hedge trimmer this morning?" asked Paul the neighbour.

"Crikey, I'm terribly sorry," said Paul with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day."

"In that case," smiled Peter, "you won't be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?"

 

Tags: shortstories, monday

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2nd April 2012 Femme Fatale - As I See It ...

The phrase is French for 'deadly woman', who uses her beauty, charm and sexual allure to achieved her hidden purpose for personal gain or, for an important task where the feminine wiles can accomplish more or quicker than male talent or skills. Or even for the good of her country, like the convicted spy Mata Hari, who made her name synonymous with femme fatale during WW1.

In modern days it's often used ambiguously to mean a free spirited woman, independent, aware of her own beauty, sex-appeal, not ashamed to flaunt that quality and practice it on her prey. The term femme fatale is considered an old fashioned description, rejected and replaced by 'Bad girl' to mean a beautiful woman, with irresistible charm, carefree character, sexy and seductive. This is even proudly accepted by the 'bad girls' themselves (in most cases deservedly too), taking it as compliment, for some, going as far as striving with any means they can to achieve such a label. Promiscuity is almost considered a virtue while being a virgin is a shame, the status one must deny. 

I have always try to be a good girl even though some of my attempts failed; and I have always be confident enough to consider I know what's good or bad, what I ought to do and what not. But now I am more than confused. I am no femme fatale, and I am definitely not a bad girl. What does that leave me?

A Good girl?? Now don't YOU go around insulting me!!!

Tags: femmefatale

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