20th Aug 2011 Giggles - Traffic Cop & Roger's Wife

Droll Traffic Cop ~

One Friday a traffic policeman stops a Maisie and asks to see her driving licence. 

'Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses when driving.' 

'Well,' replies Maisie, 'I have contacts.'

'Lady, I don't care who you know, you're still going to get a ticket.'

Roger's wife ~

Roger left for work on Friday morning. Friday was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay packet. 

Finally, Roger appeared at home on Sunday night, and obviously he was confronted by his angry wife, Martha who castigated Roger for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally, Martha stopped the nagging and said to Roger, 

'How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?'

Roger replied grimly, 'That would be fine with me.' 

Monday went by and he didn't see his Martha. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. 

By the Thursday, the swelling had gone down just enough so that Roger he could see Martha a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Tags: trafficcop

Prev: 20th Aug 2011 Oscar Wilde's New Quotes - New??

20th Aug 2011 Oscar Wilde's New Quotes - New??

New Oscar Wilde Quote ~ New?

I posted some yesterday; in fact every once in a while, with pauses in weeks, months or years, but some more always turned up:

'One can exist without art, but one cannot live without it.'

After being lost for over 120 years, the above Oscar Wilde quote turned up in the cover of an old book: Oscar Wilde's Wit

He was not a stand-up comedian. Instead of jokes, what you find amongst Oscar Wilde quotes are witty one liners and repartee, like:

• One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.'
• One should absorb the colour of life, but one should never remember its details. Details are always vulgar.
• The truth is rarely pure and never simple.

On the Subject of the Sexes ~

 ≠

• Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.
• All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.
• Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.
• A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
• If we men married the woman we deserve, we should have a very tedious time of it.
• A man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing.
• Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
• Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
• As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
• A woman will flirt with anyone in the world, so long as other women are looking on.
• She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman.
• A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

Even though Oscar Wilde was buried in France, surprisingly a statue to the great man in in Dublin's Archbishop Ryan Park. It looks just like a modern day dandy posing on a rock.

Tags: oscarwildequotes

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