For Crying Out Loud ...

It has happened to me countless times before, this inexplicable lethargy, like an invisible net that wraps me up tight and secure like a parcel, rendering me helpless and feel as though I don't even have enough energy to struggle. I feel totally powerless, listless and irritable. Each time it happens, I try to analyse what triggers such unpleasant state of mind and body but, there never seems to be any specific factor. As always I surrender to let it run it's course, a few hours, a day, even two ...

 

I know it is not depression although it is depressing to feel that way, when I really don't like to be in such a state at all. It's not even logical to be listless yet at the same time restless. The mind is often active, could even be more than normal, making great effort to trace the cause, to do something, to change something, get something, buy something, throw out something; but the body is inert, refusing to carry out even simple and reasonable actions like get up and go make myself some coffee or tea, go window shopping, visit the hairdresser, find somebody to gossip with. Those trivial diversions, or frivolous spending to get myself a useless gift, used to work but now no more.

 

It's not my nature either to be sad and feel miserable. Even though not exactly extrovert, I am usually at peace with the world and prone to be easily pleased with very simple pleasures. Watching a cute baby would always make me smile, or animals at play, the blue sky on a fine day, the sunset. I will talk to dogs I meet in the street and I laugh easily. Mind you I cry easily too. Occasionally for no reason! 

 

Is there anything wrong with me then? I guess plenty, but not to do with health or mind. I know this unpleasant feeling will past, it always does after a little while ...

 

Tags:Lethargy,Laugh,Cry

Although I rarely have totally idle moments, they do once in a while occur when I simply don't wish or literally can't concentrate on doing anything requiring thought or labour, that's when I play with the TV remote, often flicking it back & forth too fast without giving any particular programme enough time to prove itself worthy. Again, though rare, it occasionally happen when something on the screen makes my fingers suddenly slow down giving myself a chance to at least find out whether I wish to stay put for a little while. 

I was mighty glad it happened last night. No idea even what the name was, as it looked like already close to the ending. It showed someone handicapped running and winning an important competition, on two artificial legs. He was highly praised and congratulated by all, and mostly by himself, what an near impossible achievement he had accomplished. 

This reminded me of another film, belong to the group of once seen never forgotten. Again I can't remember the name as, to me, a good story backed up by super acting is always far more important than the title or anything else. I will always pay attention to the name of the director and the script writer though, for reference. My way of deciding whether I want to see a particular film or not. Not exactly a guarantee I have to admit. 

Anyway this one that came to my mind was a real old film I think. It's based on the story by Alan Sillitoe, directed by Tony Richardson, and the main actor was the unforgettable Tom Courtenay, accompanied by Michael Redgrave; all heavy weights of British films.

It's about a young man from a reformatory institution, a bit rebellious and very athletic, who took part in a marathon, overtook on the track all his competitors, those from well off families and known athletic backgrounds, but just when he was reaching the finishing line, leaving all the other runners way, way behind, he suddenly stopped dead still on the spot. His abrupt and unimaginable action scandalised the professors, astonished friends, enemies, spectators, media, and all present, including those who weren't. He won, anybody could see that, without the winning title or any glory connected with the victory. 

This gesture, done in silence, cried out the loudest of his personal triumph. He knew, and everybody else did too, that he had won. It constituted the utmost provocation, to openly say 'No' to the norm, to conform, to follow what is dictated and expected. To win for himself, not needing acknowledgement from anyone or the media, nor a trophy to confirm it.

He showed no vanity, took no pride, and rejected the reward for his achievement, not even the name as winner, completely broken the scale of values, that gleaming medal many near killing themselves in their attempt to get it. 

Footnote: Now I reminded you of the story, will anyone who has better memory than I let me know the title of that film? I would sure like to watch it again.

Tags:MarathonRunner,Rebellion,SelfPride