SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away...
SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You
have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and
the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You
have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk
of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has
dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You
have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a
clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You
have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count
them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn
you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of
vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You
have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you
have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and execute the
newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION:
Everyone
thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one
believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your
country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a
Democracy....
A WELSH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You
have two cows. The Government says you have to buy a license to milk
them, but first you have to do a risk assessment which only the
government Quango is allowed to carry out. They charge you 5 times the
cost of doing it. Then they release a press statement about how wonderful they are to support British Cows.
The
rest of the world thinks your cows are mad but you and your cows know
that it is not true, and anyway the rest of the world have no intention
of identifying and counting their mad cow, so people in other
countries don't know their cows are really, really barmy, do they?
You
sell your cows to a Polish itinerant worker and your farm to a Russian
'investment bank' , and then you leave to buy a villa by the sea in a
country where it is sunny, and the cost of milk is a tenth the cost of
milk at home. They don't have a National Health Service ... but you are
so happy and relaxed your health improves and you live to be a
hundred.
Tags: Sacasm,TwoCows
