22nd Feb 2012 Giggles Of The Day -2

The missing husband ~

Last week, Vicky, a distraught wife went to the local police station in Wigan, Lancashire, along with her next-door neighbour, Pauline, to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.

Vicky described him clearly and in detail, 'He is 35 years old, 6ft 4inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is softly-spoken and is fabulous with the children.

Pauline interrupts her protesting, 'Why Vicky, your husband is 5 ft 8 inches, corpulent, bald, has a big mouth, and is horrid to your children.

Vicky replied, with a sigh, 'Yes, but who wants HIM back?'

 Another missing husband ~

Norman Hammond was visiting the cemetery near Chester in England and he couldn't help noticing a man kneeling in front of a gravestone, clasping his hands and sobbing. Norman went a bit closer and could hear what the man was saying. 'Why did you have to die?' he was repeating, 'Why did you have to die?'

Feeling he ought to do something to alleviate the man's obvious distress Norman laid his hand on the his shoulder saying gently, 'Was it someone 

you loved very much?'

The man looked up at him and said, 'No, I never met him, he was my wife's first husband.'

 

Why people always jokes about the Irish? ~ 

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman set up in business as furniture removal men.

On their first job when the householder saw the Englishman and the Scotsman struggling to carry a wardrobe upstairs, she asked them, 'Where is the Irishman?'

'Oh, he's in the wardrobe ...' said the Englishman,
'Stopping the wire coat-hangers from rattling.' quickly added the Scotsman.

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22nd Feb 2012 Giggles Of The Day

Learn to read the signs ~

Geoff had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that for years he called his wife, Anita, "Mother of Six," in spite of her regular objections.

One evening, in their retirement years, they go to a party. It is late and Geoff is ready to go home and wants to find out if Anita is ready to leave as well.

Geoff bellows at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home, Mother of Six?'

Anita, greatly irritated by Geoff's lack of discretion over so many years, yells back at him, 'Anytime you're ready, "Father of Four".'

An American visits Australia ~

Bart, a Texan farmer goes to Australia for a acation. There he meets a Shane, an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, 'Oh yeah. We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.'

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Shane shows off his herd of cattle. Bart immediately says, 'We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.'

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field and so he asks, 'And what are those?'

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, 'Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?'

A Long Drive ~

Many years ago Terry Wogan, an Irish radio presenter, said he had just returned from a holiday in Ireland. Visiting some friends and making conversation with the taxi driver, he said it was a long drive.

The taxi driver replied: "Sure, but if it wasn't as long it wouldn't reach the house"!!

 

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