Giggles For Today

** A Jewish God **

 

A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiance to his study for a drink.

'So what are your plans?' the father asks the young man.

'I am a Torah scholar,' he replies.

'A Torah scholar. Hmmm,' the father says. 'admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?'

'I will study,' the young man replies, 'and God will provide for us.'

'And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?' asks the father.

'I will concentrate on my studies,' the young man replies, 'God will provide for us.'

'And children?' asks the father. 'How will you support children?'

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiance.

The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, 'How did it go, darling?'

The father answers, 'He has no job and no plans, but the good news is, he thinks I'm God.'

 

** Gandhi's Humour **

 

Gandhi was once asked what he thought of Western Civilisation. He replied: "I think that it would be a very good idea."

 

** No Comment **

 

A Motorist collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:

Q - What warning was given by you?

A - Horn.

Q - What warning was given by the other party?

A – Moo.

Some mothers do have them you know!

Tags:God,Gandhi,Cow

• Current Mood: amused

Funny Advice For Women; Advice For Funny Women

** Aspire to be Barbie – That girl has everything.

** If the shoe fits - Buy them in every colour.

** Take life with a pinch of salt - A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

** In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls.

** Go on the 30 day diet.- I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days.

** When life gets you down - Just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

** Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.

** I know I'm in my own little world, but it’s OK. - They know me here.

** Don't get your knickers in a knot. - It solves nothing and makes you walk funny.

** When life gives you lemons in 2012 - Turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

** Keep your chin up: Only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.

** If it has Tyres or Testicles – it’s going to give you trouble.

** By the time a women realizes her mother was right: She has a daughter who thinks she’s wrong.

** Remember where ever there is a good looking, sweet, single or married man - There is probably some woman tired of his behaviour.

** Good friends are like stars - You don't always see them, but you know they are always there".

** Remember yesterday. Dream about tomorrow. - But live for today.

** Money can't buy happiness but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bycicle.

** Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard's name.

** Help a man when he is in trouble & he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

** Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

** Alcohol does not solve any problem but neither does milk.

Tags:women,advice

• Current Mood: amused