Wiseguys' Oneliners On Marriage

** You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

** The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.

** Any husband who says. "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.

** I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.

** Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

** My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

** My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

** A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

** I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

** I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There's water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

** Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Tags:Wiseguys,Oneliners,Marriage

• Current Mood: amused

Man, Wife, Cookies

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs. Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite anisette sprinkled cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife ...

"Back off!" she said, "They're for the funeral.".

Tags:Man,Woman,Cookies

• Current Mood: amused