25th Nov 2011 Medical Professionals

A panel of doctors was asked for their opinions concerning a proposal to build a new wing to their hospital. This was what they said:

• The Allergists voted to scratch it.
• The Dermatologists preferred no rash moves.
• The Psychiatrists thought it was madness.
• The Radiologists could see right through it.
• The Gastro-enterologists had a gut feeling about it.
• The Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve.
• The Obstetricians stated they were labouring under a misconception.
• The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.
• The Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body."
• The Paediatricians said, "Grow up!"
• The Plastic Surgeon said, 'This puts a whole new face on the matter.'
• The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward.
• The Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
• The Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
• The Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas.
• The Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
• The Proctologists thought that all the others were assholes!

Tags: medicalprofessionals

Prev: 25th Nov 2011 Doctor, Doctor ...

25th Nov 2011 Doctor, Doctor ...

** Pain everywhere ~

Patient: 'Doctor, Doctor: when I press my leg it hurts. Then when I press my chest it hurts, when I press my head it hurts, and when I press my stomach it hurts. I'm worried doc, what's wrong with me?'

Doctor: 'Easy & straightforward, you have a sore finger!'

** Deaf wife ~

Murphy went to a doctor to talk about his wife.

'Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and I always have to repeat things.'

'Well, 'the doctor replied, 'Go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness'.

Murphy goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, 'Betty, what's for dinner?' He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, 'Betty, what's for dinner?'

Betty says, 'This is the fourth time I told you. It's meatloaf!'

** Long and Short of the Problem ~
Adam, an elderly man was seated in the doctor's waiting room. When he was called in to see the doctor, Adam slowly got up, and, grasping his cane and hunching over, slowly made his way into the examining room.

After only a few minutes, Adam emerged from the room, walking completely upright. Paul, another patient who had watched him hobble into the room all hunched over, stared in amazement. 'That must be a miracle doctor in there.' he exclaimed. 'What treatment did he give you? What's his secret?'

Adam stared at Paul and said, 'Well, the doctor looked me up and down, analysed the situation, and gave me a cane that was four inches longer than the one I had been using.'

Tags: doctor

Prev: 25th Nov 2011 One-Liners from Real Résumés

25th Nov 2011 One-Liners from REAL résumés

These are taken from REAL résumés and cover letters, and were printed in the Fortune Magazine:

• "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
• "I have lurnt Word for Widows, computor operations and spreasheet progroms."
• "I received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
• "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
• "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
• "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
• "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
• "Let's meet , so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
• "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
• "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
• "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
• "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
• "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
• "I am loyal to my employer at all costs....Please feel free to respond to my résumé on my office voice mail."
• "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing."
• "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training n meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

Tags: jobrésumés

Prev: 24th Nov 2011 Sherlock Holmes, Dr. Watson, The Husband