Wednesday, 11 July 2012
11th July 2012 Language, More Ways To Use It
1) A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.
'In
English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some
languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a
negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can
form a negative.'
A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'
2)
Robert went to his lawyer and said, 'I would like to make a will but I
don't know exactly how to go about it.' The lawyer smiled at Robert
and replied, 'Not a problem, leave it all to me.'
Robert
looked somewhat upset and said, 'Well, I knew you were going to take a
big portion, but I would like to leave a little to my family too!'
3)
A policeman spotted a jay walker and decided to challenge him, 'Why
are you trying to cross here when there's a zebra crossing only 20
metres away?'
'Well,' replied the jay walker, 'I hope it's having better luck than me.'
4)
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They
then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.
Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!'
The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.
5) Brenda and Terry are going out for the evening. The last thing they do is put their cat out.
The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in. Terry returns inside to chase it out.
Brenda,
not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explains to the
taxi driver, 'My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my
mother.'
Several
minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the
taxi saying, 'Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under
the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I
could get her to come out!'
Tags: language
Prev: 11th July 2012 Life Is Not Always How You Make It
11th July 2012 Life Is Not Always How You Make It
For
far too long I had been looking for happiness without finding it,
because I had the wrong conception of what it should be. That it meant
no sickness, no pain, emotional or physical, no disappointments. That I
wanted to love & especially be loved, unconditionally. That I would
never lose people I cared very much about.
Then
I experienced over & over that life was not as I had painted it
nor hoped for, never for anyone, particularly those who just sit
expecting all those wonderful things to happen. Nor as some hopefuls who
believe that life is what you make it by simply strive to follow your
goal. Your effort & devotion to make things perfect may not always
achieve desired results, however hard you try.
Now,
more matured in years, & having been taught a few lessons by life,
I think we can all be reasonably happy, if we are realistic about our
expectations, accepting pain as part of life, and face disappointments
as a challenge to do better. life is never without pain
& disappointments. The opposite attitude would simply cause
prolonged or permanent depression or, worse still, soul destroying
desperation.
One
particular damaging factor to unhappiness is most likely fear. People
are afraid of all sorts of things; getting old, sick, poor, losing love
or loved ones, job, security, the unknown future ... That's when
religion or myth come in, with which one substitutes pain &
disappointment with love & hope. But hope has to be realistic, & love needs continuous attention, eternal effort,
dedication, cultivation & nurture. Or it would starve
& die.
There
are admirable people who are by nature happy, always with music in
their hearts. Happy for just being alive, under whatever condition or
circumstances. They are the truly blessed ones.
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