If You Think You Have Heard All Blonde Jokes ...

Blonde on phone: "How long does it take to fly to Hong Kong?"
Travel Agent: "Just a minute, Madam . . ."
Blonde on phone: "Thanks very much".

A blonde goes to the council to register for child benefit.

"How many children?" asks the council worker "10" replies the blonde.

"10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the blonde. "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.
"That's easy," says the blonde. "I just use their surnames."

"A banker got confused about mathematics, so he asks his blonde secretary:
"If I give you $3 million less 17%, how much would you take off?" She replies:
"Everything sir ... The dress, the shoes, bra and even my G-string."

A blonde was showing off her new fur coat.
'It was very kind of your husband to buy it for you,' remarked her friend.
'He had to,' replied the blonde. 'I caught him kissing the maid.'
'Did you sack her at once?'
'No,' she said, 'I still need a new car.'

 

A blonde was passing a country estate and saw a sign on the gate. It read: "Please ring bell for the caretaker." She rang the bell and an old man appeared.
"Are you the caretaker?" the blonde asked.
"Yes, I am," replied the old man. "What do you want?"
"I'd just like to know why you can't ring the bell yourself."

Two blondes went into a pub, ordered two beers, took some sandwiches out of their packs and started to eat them. "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner. The two blondes stopped, looked at each other, then swapped their sandwiches.

A blonde was getting into her car, and this bloke says to her 'My car just broke down. Can you give me a lift?' The blonde said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."

Tag:blondes

Current Mood: Amused

Will I Ever Be A Granny - A Simple Poem

Will I Ever Be A Granny? Will I ever be a granny? With a grandchild on my knee Will I ever watch a grandson smile? And clap his hands with glee Will I be in my rocking chair? With my shawl and frilly lace Or will I still be young enough To have powder on my face? Will I have the strength to lift him? When he toddles to my side Or put out my hand and rub his head When he is restless and tired Will he want to come to granny? To rest his weary head Or perhaps he'll throw a tantrum So he can sleep in granny's bed? Will my legs be strong and steady? When I take him by the hand To watch the hens and ducks feed Off this green and grassy land Will I be able to hear him chatter? When he's telling me of school Or perhaps he's like his father And is stubborn as a mule!   Tag:granny

Current Mood: Contemplative

Mind The Waiter

Have you seen this traffic sign before? It's in Spain. It's rather a good idea for coastal cities and beach towns, where the front row buildings are almost all taken by restaurants, bars and cafes. These establishments are also clever enough to apply for license for the terraces directly opposite them for commercial use, right by the sea front if not exactly on the beach itself; an extension of their business. Even in Madrid, a mountain city with no beaches, but that doesn't stop them have terrace tables and seats, almost as many as those by the beach.

Didn't someone famous say that Spain is a nation of bar goers? There are certainly more bars or eateries than any other business in any area, that makes you wonder how is it possible that they all seem to be full most of the time. I have been to many countries in the world, and I think China is probably the only country that might even top their number of eating & drinking establishments in any given square mile.

Spain is blessed with fine weather in many parts, and the national habit of outdoor living contributes to steady, all the year round business, even in winter when the sun shines just as brilliantly. This means that waiters are working most of the year having to run back and forth across the road every few minutes, with non stop traffic, with a full tray of food and drinks out to the terrace, and empty glasses and plates back. Needless to say this causes great inconvenience to the vehicle drivers and hazards and danger to the waiters.

Let's hope more coastal towns copy the idea and more drivers exercise extra caution.

Tags:waiter,trafficsign

Current Mood: Accomplished