Dear Dad ...

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was tidy. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed to Dad. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacey, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for Aid, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it! Don't worry Dad, I am 15, and I know how to take care of myself and Stacy. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son Ryan.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at George's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk.

Call when it is safe for me to come home.

Tags:Dad,AIDs

• Current Mood: amused

As I Mature ...

As I Mature, I have learned that ...

• I have learned that you can not make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
• I have learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
• I have learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it takes only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
• I have learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that you better have a big wily or huge boobs.
• I have learned that you shouldn't compare to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
• I have learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
• I have learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
• I have learned that no matter how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take it's place!
• I have learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.
• I have learned that the people you most care about in life are taken from you too soon, and all the less important ones just never go away.

I hope this might help you to balance your life with the right prospective and take it with good humour. You might even improve it's quality.

If not, like in my case, tough luck!

Tags:Mature,Learn

• Current Mood: amused

Morning Coffee With Maria

Sitting in my regular Cafe on Sunday morning I saw my old cleaning lady walk by, Maria. She is not really old, about 60 I guess, who used to work for me then had to quit because her son needed her to look after his children.

I invited her to have a coffee with me and was quite glad she accepted. A few times when I did so before, she always declined as she was permanently busy since she had the grandchildren in her charge all weekdays. I was also half hoping she might consider returning to work for me, now that her grandchildren were of school age. But no. Not possible at all. She was only free this morning because the children were with the parents for the weekend in EuroDisney, Paris.

She obviously needed to talk to someone, about things she couldn't understand, that her son and daughter-in-law earned very modest wages, hardly enough to see each month out. Yet the elder of the 2 children, only 7 years old, already has his own mobile, 2€ each day pocket money, big birthday party and tons of presents; even the baby girl, not yet 3, had also enormous birthday party, inviting children of the entire street, children the little one didn't even know. Now EuroDisney weekend, because some other children in school had boasted they had been.

Parents today give in to their children's every whim, everything but discipline. For fear of being labelled old-fashioned, that children must have their liberty, they must be allowed to follow their own instincts, do what they wish, etc.

Grandparents who had worked all their lives to have earned the time to enjoy their retirement, are expected to look after grandchildren, even some of the housework. Many don't even get the weekends off because that's the time the parents wish to have their leisure, going out and seeing friends. So the old folks once again have to stay home and watch over the children.

As to the children who are brought up with everything done for them, every problem smoothed out and all their desires are met simply by asking, would likely fall flat with the first blow of difficulty life or job puts in their path, without the slightest recourse should the parents or grandparents are not there any more.

Would I be exaggerating if I think something is wrong with today's society?

Tags:children,grandchildren,Maria

• Current Mood: awake

A Jolly Happy Divorce

It was one of those mornings when, whether I wished it nor not, a mere acquaintance decided to sit at my table in the cafe even when there were several other tables available. "let's have a little chat. We haven't done that for a while, have we?" She cheerfully announced and already sitting down. For the next 3 quarters or so of an hour she was the one that did most of the talking, mainly to inform me that a young couple we both knew had divorced, less than a year after the happy wedding. I made the right noises of surprise and commiseration, while trying hard to recall who that young couple were. Another few minutes later I was enlightened by my table companion that they were introduced to me one day when all of them were sitting at a table in the terraza of the cafe last summer. This was several months ago.

I was therefore mighty surprised this morning to see this couple sitting again in the terraza, by themselves, while I looked on from indoors of the same cafe. Their heads were practically glued together; his one hand round her shoulder and the other was holding hers on her lap. They were chattering, smiling, occasionally gazing into each other's eyes, a typical image of lovebirds in their honeymoon than having been divorced for the good part of a year.

On my way out and passing their table - well okay, I did take a bit of a round about way to just 'happen' to pass their table - and I nodded, smiled, and said "hello". They recognised me at once (always easier for others to remember me, being the only Chinese round here, although most people knowing me for the first time would insist I don't at all look Chinese) and invited me to have a coffee with them. I gladly accepted. All right, you guessed it. You know I would.

I was again surprised that they are still married, not remarried, nor had ever been divorced. At least that's how I deducted from the way they talked about their happy life together, all sounded like smoothy sailing in blessed fine weather. Naturally I never mentioned or even hinted what I had heard. .

Why this other acquaintance of mine would have told me such a silly tale? It beats me. The only likely conclusion would be that, like most rumours, when it's passed on to a third or fourth person, the true version of whatever story would have become a totally different one. It might have started by someone saying the husband was away (on business) and the wife had gone to stay with her mother (rather than being alone), which would have been enough for the story of a break-up.

On the next and the third round the whole sequence would have become a proper tragedy in the mouths and imaginations of those who thrive on juicy or sensational gossips, each retelling the story would have added just a tiny little bit of his or her version, you know, like Add-0ns, to create yet more sensation.

You know the type of people I talk about, right? Bet you even know a few of them yourself.

Tags:gossip,divorce,lovebirds

• Current Mood: bitchy

What It Means To Be British?

One of the British national daily newspapers has been asking for comments about: "what it means to be British". Here is a comment from a chap in Switzerland who lived in Britain for 12 years.

Being British is about driving in a German car

to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer,

then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry

or a Turkish kebab on the way,

to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows

on a Japanese TV;

and the most British thing of all?

Suspicion of anything foreign.


Tag:BingBritish

• Current Mood: amused