30th Aug 2011 Why I Want To Be A Bear ...

* I'm Gonna be a Bear ~

In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you are sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup, I'm gonna be a bear!

* Bear Warning ~

In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field.

We advise that outdoors men wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoors men to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoors men should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear poop.

Black bear poop is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur.

Grizzly bear poop is larger and has little bells in it and smells like pepper.

 

Tags: bear, warning

Prev: 30th Aug 2011 Old Folks Wisdom On Walking & Exercise

30th Aug 2011 Old Folks' Wisdom On Walking & Exercise

• Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $4,000 per month.
• I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
• The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
• I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing ...
• I joined a health club last year, spent about 250 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there everyday!
• Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
• The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say: 'Well, he looks good doesn't he?'
• If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
• I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years ... just getting over the hill.
• Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a pub with a Happy Hour, and by the time I leave, I look just fine!
• We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
• A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing and the lawn mower is broken.

Tags: oldfolks, exercise

Prev: 30th Aug 2011 Lost In Thought ... Ducks & Chickens

30th Aug 2011 Lost In Thought ... Ducks & Chickens

• I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
• 99% of Lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
• How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

* Ducking and Diving.

A duck walks into a shop, and asks for a red lipstick. The cashier says, "Cash or check?" and the duck says, "Just put it on my bill."

* A husband took his wife to the doctor.

"Oh, doctor," he said, "my wife thinks she's a chicken."

The doctor gasped, "That's terrible. How long has she been like that?

The husband replied, "Three years."

The doctor was horrified, "Three years! Why didn't you bring her to me sooner?"

The husband said sheepishly, "Because we needed the eggs."

Tags: chickens, thoughts, ducks

Prev: 30th Aug 2011 Tourism Of Cementeries!

30th Aug 2011 Tourism Of Cemeteries

Some of my friends already consider me strange having the habit of reading obituaries. Just as well I don't, however, have a habit too visiting cemeteries, like a lady neighbour I had once in England. It was almost her main hobby. She also confessed that any new place she visited in any country, just about the first thing she wanted to see were the local cemeteries! I realize some of them are really very beautiful and rather artistic in the display of some pretty unusual or unique tombstones, but the atmosphere always seems to me a bit forlorn, sad and cold. I always insist not attending anybody's funerals either, not even my own!

The 2 monumental cemeteries of Barcelona offer guided tours on Sundays, gratis, for any group of people who wish to visit, even, surprisingly, as elements of tourism (with 6,734 foreign visitors in 2010, and 1,200 more than the year before). I have never been any, but have seen photos of some very wonderful and truly artistic work in some of the designs, both the graves and the tombstones, work of many renowned artists and sculptors; neoclassic as well as modernistic, even abstract, impressionistic or humorous.

I suppose it's also a form of unusual anthology reflecting the tastes and customs of the people, the living, their sentiment towards their departed loved ones, their relationships, and a glimpse into the life of the one resting in peace.

 

Left to right:

Panteon de August Urrutia, Montjuic.

Kiss of Death, Poblenou

Stone tablet of Cerda, with the reproduction of Eixample, Montjuic

Prev: 29th Aug 2011 Some Fun Nonsense For The Monday Blues