Saturday, 9 March 2013

Aunt Mildred's Heart

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Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable, and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.

The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast."

Later that night ... Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

Tags:heart,breast

Englishman, Scotsman, Irishman - Again

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A woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband.
He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?"
"There," said the wife, "didn't I tell you he was stupid?"
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A pretty lady of the street smiles and winks at a Scotsman passing by, and gives him the come-hither look. He smiled back and goes thither.
"Would you like to come home with me? My place is only a few yards away." She croons.
"Delighted" he says excitedly.
After an hour of passion, he says goodbye and walks towards he door.
"Haven't you forgot about something? What about the money?" she shrieks.
"Oh no. I had a great time. I can't accept money as well."
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One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BAS**RD!!!!"

Tag:giggles

My New Friend Puli

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I got a new friend today, Puli. Actually two, although the other is not so new; about 2 weeks older. I don't mean he is older in age. Well that too. I will call him Zach here.

That morning 2 weeks ago, I was, as most mornings, alone in the cafe, with my head down at the time sipping coffee and making a shopping list. He came over and asked whether I would allow him to share my table, as the cafe was was full and mine was the only one with an extra empty seat (I did look around swiftly to make sure it was). I have to confess, once or twice, when similar situation occurred and I didn't like the look of the person asking, I would lie and said I was waiting for somebody. I got to make this a bit clearer too, about the person's looks - that was not meant to mean the person's looks or appearance, but more about the type of character I am inclined to avoid if I could help it. But he happened to be the type, I dare say, always be welcome by any woman. So who am I to break the custom?

He sat down, ordered a 'Carajillo' - that's black coffee laced with brandy or whisky, and a croissant. As if on second thought, he asked "Oh, forgive me, would you like another coffee, a croissant too? Or something else?" I declined, but the conversation had got on to a good start. I found him pleasant, polite, speaking correct in 'educated' Spanish, not like most of the people round here, dialects or street Spanish mostly. He was here on holiday and 'house sit' for his parents while they were away on vacation in America; his mother is American.

He came after that every morning, and now automatically sitting with me. Yesterday, one of the waiters brought his puppy and I made a fuss over it. Zech said: "I see you love dogs." So he brought Puli this morning, his dog, and made a formal introduction for us: "Meet MoiMoii, Puli". I made fun of it asking "Where is the dog?" Look at the picture below, you can hardly see the dog! Just a lot of hair (or is it fur?) and somewhere near the top end there's the tip of a little pink tongue! The only thing that gave his identity away.

Of course I have known about this breed of dog before, but never had I the opportunity to observe one close enough to touch and play with. He is adorable, very friendly. We felt in love on the spot, (the dog and me) and Zach watched us grinning, happily being the 3rd party. From him (the man) I learned that it's an ancient breed, adapted to extreme cold climate, and mountain living, very loyal, loving and good as shepherd' companion. They are often called Hungarian water dog, as they love being in the water. He bought it for €1,000 and said he wouldn't part with it for a million. In my book a good man, for that statement alone.

Zach would be going back to Barcelona when his parents come back next Monday. I have a positive feeling he would come back to my cafe. Both of them. Since he had invited me for dinner tonight, I will make sure they will come back.
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Tags:zach,puli