Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Doctors Never Laugh ...

Dec 18C
A patient asked the doctor not to laugh at him when he tells his problem.

The Doctor replied 'Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'

'Okay then,' Bob said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen.
It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

'I'm so sorry,' said the doctor. 'I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now, what seems to be the problem?'

'It's badly swollen!' Bob replied.
Tags:Doctor,Patient,Whoo-Ha

Market Study & Mr. Heigh

Dec 18B
There are market studies about everything under the sun these days; even market study on market studies. Highly paid professionals are alert to detect our latest whim. Such is their investigative fervour, one would think they do concede, though probably only in moments of dementia, some grudging importance to the real consumers, the little guys who keep the economy spinning ... and market researchers in jobs.

Numerous mounted cameras have been installed in recent years in all public places, monitoring our every move. The detection of a certain gesture by a certain percentage of shoppers may mean a million dollar investment to make the packaging more attractive. For ours is an era of fathomless superficiality. But in time of crippling economic crises, like now, market research is often just a load of hogwash.

Take travel. Especially air travel. Is it really worth the time, trouble and expense? Not any more. My personal experience last year, from one European country to another, told me that a tiny innocent bottle of mineral water is now as scary as an H-bomb. Remove your shoes, socks, jacket, belt, all metal objects, that's watch and rings; even some hair-clips. Don't under any circumstances smile, laugh or crack jokes about these either. We learn to suffer all humiliations without flinching.

Truth is, Tom Heigh (not his real name) was oblivious of all these when they sold him a week in Barcelona at his local travel agency. All he wanted was a break from the monotony of another year in the office. He was already a little tipsy when he got on the plane in Manchester. The glossy brochures about Gaudi, the Sagrada Familia, and Sadanas (Catalan group dance) he couldn't care less about: he couldn't wait to catch a Flamenco show and gets his hands on a real Mexican sombrero, a Paella and gallons of beer. Why else would he come here to Spain?

So he gets to his hotel, the Meridian. Finds a local bar in the back street, and drinks himself stupid. From then on, he is blotted until 10 or 11 in the morning. He virtually lives in that sleazy, foul-smelly dive till it's time to fly home.

"What do you think of Catalonia?" he was asked on his last day when he was leaving the hotel.
"Isn't this Croatia?" he replies in all seriousness.

Do we detect a malignant marketing failure here?

Tags:MarketStuey,Flemenco,Paella

The Verdict

Dec 18A
In a Court of Justice, there are always those figures easily recognized. The judge, the lawyers, with wigs and robes, the dead serious prosecutor, the innocent looking and well suited accused in his particular assigned seat, the reporters taking notes .... and Mr. Josep Andreu, following attentively the theatre of life. For more than half his life, 46 years to be exact, he has seen hundreds of crimes being explained in minute details, how witnesses being questioned and give their versions, helpful or confusing, how lawyers defend and argue, how evidences are collected and presented, analysed, contradicted, and finally coming together, sorted out the entanglements, threshing out husks, and getting to the grains.
 
Josep Andreu will be 80 in August. Retired now. Back in 1961, he read in the paper that a woman was on trail for having murdered her partner and his son., and the prosecution was asking for her the death penalty. He decided to attend the trail to see how the case develop and what the outcome might be. (In the end, the woman was condemned to 30 years prison). From then on, he has been attending every High Court trial of important crimes. 
 
At that time he worked in a company where there were 2 shifts of employees. He always tried his best to take the afternoon shift, or changed with his colleagues when he couldn't, so that he could attend the trials in the mornings. Then a hasty sandwich and went to work. Having retired when he was 65, he has now no more such time problem. 
 
He told the interviewer that he went because he wished to learn new things, like a doctor who examines all aspects, not just to give medicine to cure the sickness, but to find out the cause, and how it develops to become an illness. He believes that everything is transcendental, from words of the witnesses to the gestures of the court. For more than 4 decades, he has acquired so much knowledge and dexterity, some lawyers have commented or discussed with him on certain cases, as if he was one of the team. 
 
He punctuated that the high point is to predict the final outcome of each case, and proudly remarked that he was right more times than was wrong. He doesn't have the exact number of his attendance, many hundreds they must be. In 1994 alone he had visited 248 times, including 3 with the petition of death penalty. During nearly half a century, he reckoned he has learned a great deal, especially to respect, and to have an open mind. He also admitted having shed tears a few times.
 
People's hobbies can be very interesting, not simply because of the great variety of things they do or what objects they collect, but their choice often reveal their character, even what makes a person that particular individual he is. Nor just what they do for relaxation, or for accumulating unusual things they desire, for pleasure or for investment. 
 
I think what Andreu collects is knowledge of human mind and behaviour, of others and of himself, to acquire more understanding, tolerance and, as he said, respect of one another as a reward. Unlike other collectors, he hasn't got an ostentatious collection to show off.
 
He will continue to go to the Tribunal Court everyday he said, with a great big smile on his face.

Tags:Justice,Verdict,Evidence,Witness

The Taxan Baby & The Macho Husband

Dec 18
** The Proud Father Of His Taxan Baby ~

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in a bar, and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing 20lbs.
Tow weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked: "Aren't you the father who had the typical Texas baby of 20lbs at birth?"
"Yup, shore am!"
"How much does he weigh now?"
"Ten pounds" the proud father said.

The bartender was puzzled: "Why, what happened? He weighed 20 lbs when he was born!"
"Just had him circumcised." said the Texan.

** The Domineering Husband & His New Bride ~

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady. After the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I will be home when I want, if I want and what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner on the table waiting. I will go fishing, hunting, boozing and card-playing when I want with my buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said: "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at 7 O'clock every night ... whether you are here or not."

Tags:TaxanBaby,MachoHusband