10th Sept 2011 The Fun & Game Of Football

** Dumb Football Players

A football coach walked into the changing room before a game. He looked over to his new boy and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed arithmetic, but we need you to be in the team. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right then you will be allowed to play."

 

The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"

The player thought for a moment and then answered, "4?"

"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it correct.

 

Suddenly all the other players on the team began shouting ..., "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

** The Empty Seat in The Stand

Bernie and Eddie were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat 'K37' next to them, and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together.

 

One half-time Bernie went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for K37. The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty.

 

Then on Boxing day, much to Bernie and Eddie's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season. Eddie could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'.

'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'

** A Dedicated Fan

Michael was watching the derby game between Manchester United and Liverpool; Old Trafford was packed and there was only one empty seat - next to Michael.

 

'Who does that seat belong to?' asked the person in the next seat.

'My wife usually sits there.' Michael replied.

'But why isn't she here?' the neighbour persisted.

'She died.' Said Michael in a matter-of-fact tone.

'So why didn't you give the ticket to one of your mates?'

 

'They've all gone to the funeral.' Said Michael.

 

Tags: football

Prev: 10th Sept 2011 The World's Biggest Sand Castle

10th Sept 2011 The World's Biggest Sand Castle

This summer, when little and not so little children were busy building their little and not so little sand castles on the beaches round the world, Ed Jarret, 45 years old, had embarked on a huge challenge, to demonstrate the infinite possibilities of what one can do with sand, available and free on all beaches. He had thus built, with eager help of 1500 young at heart volunteers, having spent 2,500 hours to complete this monumental Sand Art - the biggest sand castle ever registered in the world.

It's more than 11 metres tall, and with profuse, detailed and artistic decorations, painstakingly carved on the sand 'walls'. The artist himself had invested 300 hours on this task. I wonder how and what is done to make it weather-proof, that such laborious labour and magnificent work of art doesn't get taken by the merciless gusts of wind, sudden downpour or storm? Something else other than sand must have been used, surely?

Footnote: I apologise that this photo is missing the bottom of the castle, with the artist name 'Jarret's castle', because I spilled black coffee all over it before the scanning!!!

A friend just sent me this photo. Better now, right?

Tags: sandcastle

Prev: 10th Sept 2011 The Quirky English

10th Sept 2011 The Quirky English

Quirky Words - Funny Logic:

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger.

Have you noticed that there is neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And there are no hogs in Hogmanay.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

You cannot buy boots in Boots nor virgins in Virgin. You cannot buy threshers in Threshers and the Superdrug chain is a big disappointment.

Quicksand only works slowly

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

Quirky phrases - Informative and amusing:

• Arabic numerals originated in India.
• Tin cans and tin foil are constructed from aluminum, not tin.
• Danish pastries were invented in Austria.
• Dry cleaning uses a fluid called naphtha.
• Pencil lead - pencils use graphite and not lead.
• The Koala bear is a marsupial and not a bear.
• Panama hats originate from Ecuador, not Panama.
• The word Asteroid means 'star-like' and they are small planets.
• The Turkey is native, to America and is named for its resemblance to a bird native to Africa.
• The Peanut is a legume, [I.e. fruit/vegetable] not a nut.
• The People's Democratic Republic of Korea. (Think about it; particularly if you live there)
• Madison Square Garden, USA is not square, nor is it currently a garden.

Tags: quirkywords, phrases

Prev: 10th Sept 2011 Crime Of Honour??

10th Sept 2011 Crime Of Honour??

When it was called Crime of Passion I understood it much better. Now some are calling it Crime of Honour. Yesterday in Barcelona, a young man of 24 was shot point blank 5 times by a total stranger, also from Pakistan like himself, whom he had never met nor had any dealings with. According to initial police investigation, he was killed because he had married the ex-girlfriend of the assassin.

 

The victim came to Spain when he was 4 years old, brought up and educated here, totally integrated and had loads of Spanish friends. In the opinions of all, the friends, the neighbours as well as clients of his little shop, he was a real good and likeable guy, leading a simple and orderly life; never had any kind of trouble or conflict with anyone, never smoke, no alcohol, drugs, gambling or any other addiction. All those questioned agreed that he was an examply, model citizen.

 

Such senseless so-called 'Honour killing', unfortunately, is still happening in countries like Pakistan. Women especially had been killed even by their own fathers or brothers. As the sage old saying that goes: 'An eye for an eye leaves the world blind'. I can't help remembering the horrific mass destruction of 11/9, followed by the wars of Iraq and Afghanistan and the revolt in Libya. People are not just made blind but maimed and slaughtered. Which part of all that is supposed to be Honour???

 

Tags: crime, honour

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